Tattoo Musings...

What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

Sola Scriptura
Sola Fide
Sola Gratia
Solo Christo
Soli Deo gloria


Somehow, the Five Solas are REALLY speaking to me. I found a tattoo resource online that only does literary tattoos, and my soul leapt. I love words, I adore books. It makes sense that my next tatt will be a literary one. (Even if the literary source is Luther's Reformation!)

Last Day Of Kindergarten

This morning has been kind of emotional for me already.
Today is my youngest child's LAST day of Kindergarten.
Today was the last time ever that all of my 4 children will walk to school together as my oldest is off to Junior High in the fall.

I didn't think that I would be emotional about it, but I really am. :(
Last time that I'll ever do Kindergarten vicariously through one of my kids. In the fall, he's off to Grade 1. *sniff, sniff*

I must say - I'll really miss our Kindergarten teacher and especially our Educational Assistant, Kelly. They've been awesome.

School Assignments

I handed in two school assignments last week (on May 3rd) and I got the marks back last night.

100% on BOTH!!!!
This is the feedback from my prof for the first assignment:

Well done Cindy. You have captured MasterFile Premier well - it is indeed aimed at public libraries. The match of the biographies with book clubs was good - I had not thought of that use for it but will try it next Book Club meeting I go to.

This is a tool that anyone working reference in a public library will become very familiar with it - I think there will be more links to more full text (electronic) in the future.

Feedback from my second assignment:

Good assessment on each of these

Glad you liked the poetry index - it is a little known tool but is great for looking for any poetry imaginable. And I agree with you on the National Geographic site - I found it cluttered and disorganized - which was a disappointment given the NG's reputation and excellent magazine. I think they had so much they wanted to share they lost the focus of organization

Good work Cindy"

YAY!!!! I am so proud of myself!! So, with these marks I have

Assignment #1: 100%

Assignment #2: 86% (I know... I was cheesed off too, but hey. I passed.)

Assignment #3: 100%

Assignment #4: 100%

Overall average: 96.5%

YIPPEE!!!

"Love Wins"

I have had Rob Bell's book "Love Wins" in my "To Be Read" pile for some time... And to be completely honest, I was very intimidated in even starting to read it.

Don't get me wrong.
I love Rob's point of view on Christianity and our journey of faith.

I didn't want to start it because I didn't want to have to finish it. (Weird, I know, but true.)

But there's so much in this book that is stupendously amazing. Here's a few passages that thwonked me on the soul...

"Central to their trust (meaning church fathers like Clement of Alexandria, Origen, Gregory Of Nyssa, Eusebius, Jerome, Basil and Augustine) that all would be reconciled was the belief that untold masses of people suffering forever doesn't bring God glory. Restoration brings God glory; eternal torment doesn't. Reconciliation brings God glory; endless anguish doesn't.Renewal and return cause God's greatness to shine through the universe; never-ending punishment doesn't." (emphasis my own) - page 108.

"What happened on the cross is like...
a defendant going free,
a relationship being reconciled,
something lost being redeemed,
a battle being won,
a final sacrifice being offered,
so that no one ever has to offer another one again,
an enemy being loved."
-page 128.

(In talking about the 8th miracle that Jesus performed in the book of John's Gospel - how Jesus rose from the dead)
"The tomb is empty,
a new day is here,
a new creation is here,
everything has changed,
death has been conquered,
the old has gone,
the new has come.

John is telling a huge story,
one about God rescuing all of creation."
-pages 133-134.


Honestly, I found this book to be completely compelling and thought provoking. In reading the chapter about trusting God, I was challenged to the core like I have not been in quite some time. (Rob used the parable of the Prodigal Son to make a point of how we need to trust God's perception of us more than our own perception of us) How Rob used the parable was effective and a big "ah-ha" moment for me. We can choose to believe that we are like the prodigal son - that we are worthless and that we always make bad decisions, or we can believe God's version - that we are worthy to be sons and heirs in Christ Jesus - not anything based on what we can do, but all based on the love that God has for us.
We could also side with the son who stayed behind with the father - the one who did the right things (stayed home with dad) - who ended up feeling angry and cheated because HE had never had a party thrown for him. What really jumped out for me was there were two sides of that story that I had never seen before.
It's not as simple as "Son Who Is A Screw Up vs The Good Son" or even "Son Who Throws Himself On His Father's Mercy vs The Son Who Didn't Need His Father's Mercy" - it's that one son believed his father's perception of him (the prodigal), and the other did not, and the second son was believing that HIS works would earn him favor with his father (which we all know is self-righteousness).

As I said - AHHHHMAZING.
Baked my noodle for suresies!

I think I'm going to have to buy my own copy of this book. I would wholeheartedly recommend it to others.
Beware those that have small views of God and of His Kingdom - you will not like this book. (As per usual with Rob's stuff)

Genius. Pure, utter genius....

Mother's Day

So. I'm laying in bed (fully clothed) with my laptop. Hubby gets out of the shower, dries off and comes over to get dressed. He gets half dressed, then lays down beside me. He ogles my cleavage (which I'm very proud of as my boobs are pretty small and with small boobs you don't have much cleavage), and waggles his eyebrows and says, "When do I get to give you your OTHER Mother's Day gifts?"

I looked up at him and said, "Because every Mother's Day needs a Mother's Night?"

He burst out laughing and said, "Exactly!! Perfectly worded!"

I gotta admit - I stole it from this video....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0DeIqJm4vM&feature=feedu

Weird.

So I finished up and submitted two assignments for school the other day (yay!) and starting printing out the next module.
Like normal, I have my reading material out of my textbooks to do, and I have reading material that I needed to print off (like normal). Then I see another assignment and a self-test. Again - totally normal.
Then I read that I have a Midterm Exam.

And then I read a note attached to the Midterm Exam that I have to write the exam on campus and that I have to give my prof minimum 1 week notice as to when I'm going to write the exam.

All of a sudden, I was having a hard time breathing.
And I thought I was going to throw up.
And my hands and feet went numb.
I couldn't shake the dread and anxiety that had suddenly engulfed me.

Take the test on campus???? What were they... nuts? Or were they just trying to kill me with stress??

And then it wasn't playing around anymore.... I REALLY couldn't breathe.
Like. Really. Could Not. Catch. My. Breath.

So what do I do?
Of course I Google "panic attack".

"Symptoms of a panic attack can include the following:

• Palpitations, or accelerated heart rate - Check.
  
• Sweating - Check.
  
• Trembling or shaking
• Sensations of shortness of breath or smothering - Check.
  
• Feeling of choking - Check.
  
• Palpitations, or accelerated heart rate - Didn't notice, but it wouldn't surprise me.
  
• Chest pain or discomfort - Check.
  
• Nausea or abdominal distress -Check.
  
• Feeling dizzy, unsteady, lightheaded, or faint -I def. felt unsteady.
  
• De-realization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (being detached from oneself)
• Fear of losing control or going insane
• Sense of impending death
• Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations) -Check.
  
• Chills or hot flashes -Annnnnnd, check.

So out of 14 physical manifestations of a panic attack, I had 9. NINE.
All over having to write a midterm on CAMPUS!!!

Fortunately, I was able to get a hold of one of my most favorite people on the whole entire planet, and she was able to chat me through it via Skype while she was working.

I ended up having the panic attack at 1:25 pm and I had to be at my daughter's classroom at 2 pm, AND I still had to eat something for my lunch.
Talk about stressful.

So, in hindsight, I had a panic attack in November when I was touring the Library on campus for my final assignment for my previous class (although I thought I was just hypernervous about the whole process at the time...). These are the first panic attacks I've had in over 11 years. I wonder why I've just started getting them back now, of all times.

Weird.

Hubby was very thoughtful and understanding about it, and he was extra kind to me that night. (And yes, I was STILL shaky from the adrenaline dump from earlier in the day)
It's times like this that I wish a teensy bit that I wasn't so phobic about seeing a psychologist, just so I could talk about it and get more ideas about the triggers and how to handle it better.