Almost At The Halfway Point

Wow. What a wild ride it's been this last week or so.

Hubby's been on an IV antibiotic since Thursday morning, and has been at a hospital 4 times since Friday. I'm so ready for him to get better.

It seems that our oldest son has been having some issues and it's all come to a head at the same time. Talk about stress.

I drove my girls to Pioneer Girls tonight, and I literally had to force myself to drive home. I feel so stressed out that I was starting to cry in the car. I'd love to just drive, drive, drive and get away from all the stress. Chase the sun... Escape to somewhere where the sun shines all day and it's warm and there's green things rather than snow and dead brown-ness.

This Lenten season has NOT been shaping up to be what I thought it would be. I thought it would be a season of renewal, change, growth. Instead so far, it's been a season of breaking and complete paradigm shifts in my thinking and belief systems. (Hello.... Me. Trying to track down a tattoo artist so I can get a tatt. Talk about weird.)

Well, 21 days of Lent down. 25 to go.

Lent Day #12

Ran into a friend at Wal-Mart yesterday, and I gotta say... I miss being on Facebook! I miss the interaction with people, and the jokes, and the comments. I miss it all.

That being said - I was sort of shocked to realize that I am 2 days away from it being 2 weeks since Ash Wednesday! Wow. Where has the time gone??

Delicious Irony....

So. Remember me telling you about going to Pioneer Girls and that sleepover? Remember me telling you about the "inner beauty" speech and the thought of "hmmmm. I should go get that tattoo I've been thinking about for 18 months"?
Well. I was in the shower thinking and bam.

I had made up my mind.

If a person doesn't agree with my choices now, there's no way in hell that getting a tattoo is going to change that for the better.

Like, my mother is ALWAYS going to have that little disapproving tone in her voice no matter what I do.

So, I might as well stop being so bloody afraid of other people and be true to myself.

I emailed my tatt artist, asking for a specific day. (Which is a good 2 months in the future, so hopefully *fingers crossed* she's not too booked up yet. )
I asked Hubby to take the day off work so he can come with me.

Eeeee! I can't believe this is getting into motion!

Lent Day #9

Yes. I admit it. I had to count out how many days we are into Lent on my fingers using iCal.
Shut up. ;)

Well, I gotta say, I'm starting to feel very cut off from society... Very out of the loop. I mentioned this to Hubby and he grinned at me and said, "Isn't it a great feeling?". Granted, he also DEACTIVATED his Facebook account a couple of months ago out of choice, he wasn't convicted to give it up for Lent. I had to disagree with him - I don't like this feeling. I feel like I'm missing out on something, which is funny, because most of the stuff on Facebook is other people's drama. (And I just end up hiding the drama creators anyways.)

Other than that, I have noticed a sense of calmness and peace that I haven't experienced in quite some time. Which is nice.

Well, only 31 more days, right? *groan*

Lent Day #3

Lent Day #3.
I did something today that was pretty far out of my comfort zone. My daughters are in Pioneer Girls and they were having a Mom/Daughter Sleepover & Spa Night. I didn't want to go. Oh, how I didn't want to go. But, because my daughters looked up at me with their happy, shining faces while they drawled out, "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease Mum, will you goooooooo?????", I relented and went.
I participated in the disgusting making of the skin masques that they get to take home (ewww. Oatmeal, brown sugar, honey, olive oil and vanilla? Uck.), I painted their nails, and I sat through the Spa Treatment of "let's all lay back, put cucumbers and a cool cloth on our foreheads and listen to ladies talk about inner beauty". (Except I sat. I was afraid that if I laid down, I'd cry because of falling on the ice the other day. I STILL hurt from that!)

As I sat and listened I realized that Lent was doing it's job in my heart.
I feel like I don't fit in anywhere.
I don't fit in at church as I'm too much of an Open Theist and not enough of a Calvinist/Armenist, and because I'm too loud, I'm too opinionated, I'm too outspoken.
I don't fit in with other Christian women as I see the majority of them to be boring and repressed women. (At least a lot of the Christian women that are around me are like that!) Let me put it this way - if the Christian women around me were flavours, they'd be a very bland vanilla. Not a French Vanilla with flecks of vanilla bean to jazz them up, they'd be a No Name boring vanilla.

I am not a boring Vanilla kind of girl. Never have been, and never will be.
I like action, I like challenges, and I love thinking and coloring outside of the lines.

So if God is trying to get me to have a period of reflection and to take stock, then I'd say that He was succeeding magnificently. I am. And I don't like what I'm coming up with.

I feel like I am so far removed from the ladies at the one church I used to do a Bible Study at... Like we are kinda on different planets.
I sat there during the Inner Beauty talk, and all I could think was, "I think I should get my tattoo done." Not as a rebellious sort of thing, but more like a "this is who I am, and where I've come from" thing.

I can't see any of those ladies getting a tatt. Heck, the most "daring" lady there was wearing a week little silver toe ring.

So I think Lent is doing it's job. I'm taking stock, I'm reflecting. And I don't necessarily like what I see.

Lent Day #2

I messed up and looked at Facebook today. :(

IN MY DEFENSE... There was a Twitter link to something and I clicked on it and ta-dah! I was on Facebook unintentionally.
And then I compounded it by clicking on my "Pending Friend Requests" and I saw that an old friend of mine who had sworn UP DOWN & SIDEWAYS that she would never join the plebian ranks of those on Facebook had finally joined Facebook. :)
Just in time for me to take a break for Lent. How deliciously ironic.

But, I am getting school work done. My house is marginally better than it was, although I fear that all day tomorrow I'll be cleaning. Without children as they are all at school for Fantastic Friday. (I think they call it that because all the moms are walking away from Kindergarten going, "Fantastic!!! A WHOLE day to myself!")

Thought I'd document the slip up.
It's been harder than I thought it would be to cut out Facebook. I was/am so dependent on it for socialization. Makes me feel all lonely and alone not being on there.

:(

Funny bit out of my textbook...

Yes, this is HONESTLY in my textbook. It's in the chapter of "The Electronic Library" discussing the Net and how it has no classification standards whatsoever. There is a quote, "On the Internet, truth needn't take precedence over humor" and this is the story that they use to make that point:

This is from Ton Kuntz from the article, "The Information Age is Here. Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" from The New York Times from July 3, 1998. This is the story of an "actual radio conversation between a U.S. naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Lincoln, the second-largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again that's one five degrees north, or counter-measure will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.



Now, it's stuff like THAT that make me chuckle, and you KNOW I'll remember it for a long time. But do you think I can learn all these different givens and wanted descriptors and the different categories of tools to search for reference interviews? Dear Lord, help me!!

The Lenten Season

Sometimes it truly sucks to be able to discern the voice of the Lord.
Like, it totally sucks.

I have had it on my heart since about January to observe the Lenten season this year. And Lord knows I've tried to shake it off... But it keeps getting impressed upon my heart to observe it.

And no. I am not Catholic in any way, shape or form.

I'm what you would call a Christian. I am not too weird (at least to my brain I'm not weird), and I know some hymns. Don't remember the last time I sang hymns at church, but I know some at least.

So. Yes. Lent.

A period of reflection where you purposely die to self in order that you may gain spiritual riches.
A period of time where we give up trifling things in remembrance of the not-so-trifling things that Jesus gave up for us.
A period of 40 days where we spiritually echo Jesus' 40 days in the desert after being tempted by Satan.

And guess what God wants me to give up this year.

Facebook.

When I told my darling hubby what I was feeling the Lord tell me, he just laughed and laughed. Then he said, "Usually, if giving up one particular thing is what you're least wanting to do, then that's exactly what you should be doing. (but you knew that =P)"

Darn. Why is he SO right all the time ?????

So this is my journey of self-denial. I don't really have any high hopes for what God's going to say to me during this time. I'm not going to be all mystic-y or anything... I'm hoping that I can burn through my school course in the next 40 days and get that bad boy accomplished and DONE. It feels so good to put a little check mark next to a course....

Lent.

Sometimes to get a greater appreciation for a thing, it is good to take a break from it so that you rediscover it's beauty, magnificence and the value that it adds to your life.