Oh God... I am SO freaking out. Countdown is on - I'm sitting at 5. Five more days with my inner lady bits, and that's it. I did get my pre-op fancy schmancy bracelet yesterday because I gave my pre-op blood samples (three freaking tubes worth! Holy jeepers!). While I was getting the blood drawn, I noticed on my paperwork said "Total Vaginal Hysterectomy with Oophorectomy" Uhhhhh..... WHAT???? NO!!! That's not what I'm having! An oophorectomy is the removal of ovaries. Those are the only things we're supposed to leave behind! I'm supposed to have a Bilateral Salpingectomy as well as the TVH. (Removal of the fallopian tubes) So I called my gyn's office and just reconfirmed with them. It does *indeed* say on my official paperwork that I'm having a TVH with a Bilateral Salpingetomy. I don't know who screwed up at the PreAssessment Clinic, but the oophers are going NOWHERE. I have no desire to get plunged into medical menopause. That would heartily suck ass. (An oophorectomy is the lady equivalent to a castration for a guy, so you see why I'm so concerned.) Other than that, I'm so fucking nervous. This week is dragging like crazy, and I feel that time is like quicksand. The faster I try to get stuff done, the less progress I make. I have a very definite list of things I need to accomplish, and the only thing I CAN do is feel completely overwhelmed. I waver between peace and even happiness to despair, doubt, and crushing anxiety. Working out has helped. Pushing myself HARD physically helps to deal (albeit temporarily) with the anxiety and panic. But at the end of the workout, no matter how shaky and weak I feel, no matter how much sweat I'm dripping, no matter how high my heart rate gets - the coiled ball of anxiety is still within the center of my being. Like a snake. It gets diminished with hard physical exertion, but it's still there. I keep on reminding myself that I'm SIX days away from recovering, and that does help. But oh - I'm so nervous. I sure hope I can get everything done.

Hysterectomy

I am having a hysterectomy. There. I said it. Out loud. Holy jeeze, they are REMOVING AN ORGAN!!! *breathes into paper bag* So I should probably give you some background, just to set the scene. I've been seeing a gynaecologist since last fall because the older I get, the heavier and more painful my period has become. And seeing how my mother only went through menopause at the age of 59, that means I have potentially 24 more years of menstruating ahead of me. Ugh. Shoot me now. So I talked to my regular doctor, and we tried heavy duty Naproxen, and while it made me feel floaty and happily stoned, it didn't do ANYTHING to lessen my flow. And then we discovered that I was dangerously anemic from the monthly blood loss. I started taking mega iron pills. :P My family doctor was pushing the Mirena hormonal IUD on me ("You're done having kids, why not?" "IUDs are tolerated by everyone!!") even though I stated that I had tried an IUD and it was the worst thing I had ever done. Gynecologist was AMAZING. She was awesome and spent a WHOLE HOUR with me, listening to my concerns and what was going on with my innards. She suggested a hysterectomy right then and there, but I declined as I felt it was too big of a step to leap into. I wanted to ascend the Ladder of Intervention from least invasive to most invasive. We tried Cyclokapron to disastrous effects. I had a uterine ultrasound, and everything seemed fine. We tried Super Strength Naproxen. Nope. We tried the Mirena IUD. I ended up with a 96 consecutive day migraine, vertigo, zits and I bled all the time. So we took it out and I hemorrhaged for the next 10 straight days. (Like almost needed a blood transfusion. It was scary.) So, I decided to pull the trigger (so to speak), and to end my misery. I am having a hysterectomy. Yes, I'm scared. It's an organ that they're removing. (I think giddily sometimes of offering it to women who need help - To Give Away - 1 gently used uterus. Has had 4 pregnancies, no miscarriages. Very reliable. Free to good home.) What I'm having is called a Total Vaginal Hysterectomy. Basically, they're removing my cervix, uterus, and Fallopian tubes. (New research out of Vancouver has shown a 60% decrease in ovarian cancer if the tubes are removed) They are leaving my ovaries intact so I won't be thrust into medical menopause. (Phew!) But surgery is scheduled for June 24th. I haven't told my kids yet as I don't want to worry them. Husband knows. He is supportive. I waver between elation and excitement that a pear shaped uterus is not going to rule my life anymore to complete panic. It's an OPERATION!!! Aaah! So if it's okay with you, I plan on using this as an online journal. You don't have to read... I need to write to get it all out.