So sad.....

I feel like I've just lost one of my best friends, and I don't know why.

See, I belong to this FANTASTIC group of Christian moms where we all have large families, and it is SO cool how God has all brought us together. We email each other on a daily basis, and we pray for each other, revel in each other's successes, cheer loudly and exuberantly for each other when we bravely attempt something new, we soothe each other's spirit's when we are down, we prop each other up when we are downcast..... It's just an amazing group of women.

Needless to say, with so much awesomeness in one small group, there's bound to be disagreements from time to time. Right? Right.
I thought we were dealing with our diversity very well, but one of our group suddenly just up and announced that she is taking a break from us.
I feel very cast aside.
I feel that she would benefit from discussing her feelings, not by shutting us out and turning her back on us.

I jus feel really sad right now.... Off to go pray about it....

The Return To Simpler Things...

First up - let me give out a holla, holla!!!! to my Duckie girls. I gave them the link to my blog, so they might be reading it. (I've already read yours, Missy!)
Next up - daymmmmm! How do I go almost a MONTH without posting at all???? Criminy rickets! I gotta stop doing that! How is that helping me to write at all????

Well, here we are... A few days past Thanksgiving: Canadian Edition and I am no longer waking up and not knowing where I am. :cheers erupt from Smalltown Alberta!: Most of the time, I wake up and know where I am, which is a great thing. I am very happy with that.
I'm starting to feel settled in the new house, but cannot yet call it "home" without feeling like I'm somehow betraying the old house. (Which, I know, sounds completely LAME, but hey! They are feelings! And feelings are neither right nor wrong, so stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it! Ha!)
I'm enjoying the extra room, but I know that right now is the sort of "New Home Honeymoon" period where you haven't made the interest payment on your mortgage yet, you haven't gotten any utility bills yet, and you're just bumpin' right on along, tripping merrily on the road to Wal-Mart to go pick up MORE throw rugs for the new house "just coz you can" and everything is hunky dory. Then, BLAM! You get socked in the side of the head with a little ole thing I like to call REALITY. And you can bet that reality can sometimes be a bitch on wheels, can't she????

So, I feel like I'm bracing my self inwardly for the slam of reality and what that means to us, as a family, and me, as the main grocery shopper/procurer of stuff from Wal-Mart/getter of new shoes/ purchaser for all holidays and birthdays......
*sigh* Sometimes I wish life wasn't so MUCH.

But some good stuff has happened too, in the past little bit. I've started to play the piano again, which I NEVER thought I'd do. My sister gave me all the sheet music that we had when we were growing up, and MAN! Did we ever have a lot of sheet music!!!
So, I"ve been dabbling a little bit in some of the old songs I used to play. I was a lot better than I gave myself credit for, way back in the day. (Much to my chagrin now!)
But, I've been plonking away at those keys. Doggedly, one would even say. I think I am going to re-learn Anne's Theme by Hagwood Hardy even if it KILLS me!!! (Everyone may be completely sick of it, but who cares!!! I'm going to learn that!! Again!)
But I've been rediscovering my passion for music, which I haven't really indulged in the past 9 years. It's so nice, so refreshing to sit down at the piano, and to make something beautiful. To make my heart, and my spirit soar when I get a piece right. To indulge in simple things once more. Something as simple as a beautiful line of a sonata. Or a rousing crescendo of a passionate piece. To hear the keyboard weep with gentleness once more.
To get lost in the music once more.

What an absolute gift music is to me. It never was when I was younger - I think I saw it as a form of cruel and unusual medivel torture. One that "I was sure" I'd never use when I grew up - kinda like quadratic equations in high school. (Who the heck actually uses those, anyways??)
But, the older I get, the more I'm finding that I'm enjoying the little things. The cookies. The homemade stew. The card from a friend. The phone call. The beauty of the printed word on a page. The majesty of music, and the life it can bring into my soul. Dreams. Hopes. Faith. God. Love that takes your breath away. Truth. Honesty. Peace.

All "little things", all somewhat simple things. But the most life altering, the most heart changing, the most dynamic things I've found yet.
Like Amy Grant says so well,

"I dream of simple things I can believe in
Like the feeling this day brings,
True love and the miracle of forgiving,
I believe in Simple Things."

Help us all to see the simple things in our lives, and to grant us the wisdom to embrace them and keep them close, rather than push them all away.

Happy Hands, Roooar!

We moved. We lost a teapot. I was totally sick, and barfed a few times (ewwww). Hubby and I are sort of not understanding each other. My mother moved far, far away ::cheers erupt from Smalltown Alberta...::. I still have boxes to deal with that are cluttering up the house.
I woke up this morning not knowing where I was.

Does that about cover everything? :grin:

This morning it snowed when I walked my kids to school. Freak, it was cold!!!! It was so pretty though, too. All these lovely white flakes, silently drifting down from above - almost as a Godly benediction of peace onto my head.
And then my preschooler broke the lovely mood by snickering "Mum, you have white stuff all over your head. I want to hit it!"
And my youngest was making his mittens say "Happy hands, roooar, rooar, roooar..." over and over again.

*sigh* I have a sneaking suspicion that I don't make enough money for what I do some days.

We have a bit of a fancy-schmancy shin dig to go to in the next few days, and I have this horrified fear that I might need a new dress to wear. SHIT! I hate dressing up! Give me jeans and a tee any day..... (Don't get me started on the heels.... Or the hose. ARGH!)

Other than that, we are settling into life in Smalltown rather well. I've discovered the local Wal-Mart, the Rafters shop, and The Dollar Store. I was just trying to unpack boxes. SO far I've unpacked all the DVD's, cd's (and alphabetized them, to boot), most of the books, the kitchen, most of the kids rooms, most of the master room, my clothes, and a good amount of Hubby's clothes. (Don't get me started..... Don't even get me started....)

I'm just wanting Hubby to get a car of his own now. I'm tired of being stuck at home with no way to get any where other than my own 2 feet with 2 cranky kids.

I think I just need to face the truth - I think I have PMS. Hand over the salty snacks and chocolate, and nobody gets hurt.....

Well, I finally kind of "had it out" with my mother tonight about the way she has been treating me (which I feel is badly). I told her that I felt forgotten, disregarded, traded in and unimportant due to her behavior as of late. I also told her that I felt that she was inconsistent and unreliable with my children, so that was why I had really cut down her access to them as of late.
I'm not too sure what to feel about the encounter... I don't know if there will be lasting change, or more intentional speaking now, but at least I told her how I felt.
I hated doing it, though. I really hated doing it.

So far today, I cried twice. I hate days like that.....

Hubby and I had an argument of sorts this morning over the phone. He felt I was shutting him out, and I was distancing myself emotionally from him. So, I had to tell him how I felt (overwhelmed, incompetent, dumb..... ad nauseum), and ended up bawling thru that. I hate feelings. I hate sharing feelings. I hate everything to do with feelings!!!! (I'd rather have a root canal with no freezing!)
Hubby asked jokingly if I was sure I was a girl, as that was a very guy thing for me to say (and mean).

We move in 4 days. I'm a little overwhelmed - just feeling (there's that word I hate again....) very over my head.

I'm honestly not sure of how to feel - I feel sort of numb and distant from myself.
I am, however, ready for this stage of my life to be done.

Been a long time....

Y'know it's been a while since you've blogged when you forget your username and password! LOL

Well, we are down to 2 weeks until we move, and I find myself morphing into Uber-Bitch again. *sigh* I just feel very overwhelmed by all the stuff left to do.
I am up to box #85 already and had to replace my Sharpies for writing on the boxes as I've already killed 6. (Hee, hee...oops....) But tomorrow is the first day of school for my 2 oldest children, and I have a feeling that I may drop them off at school, and may go celebrate with getting a nice coffee (or a Pumpkin Spice Latte.... mmmmm!). I've been ready to kill them!

Other than that, my mother is quickly dropping to the bottom of the Naughty list by standing me up for babysitting with no advance warning, and for getting married, and I had to hear it from my other sister. *insert frowny face here* So, she's married - good riddance to her - and she's just pissing me off at every turn. Thank the LORD that her hubby's (? How weird is that!!!) condo sold last week, and they have to be out of it by September 15th. They may never grace my new home this year! Woo, woo!!!

So, just it's been a bit of stress around here lately. I am ready. I am ready for change. I am ready for my kids to go back to school. I am ready to move. I feel like I have outgrown where I am here in BigCity Alberta. I am looking forward to discovering new stores, and new roads (which, if you knew me really well, is nothing short of a miracle!!).

I'm ready, but why does it have to be so much work????

Pinch Me.....

I feel like I am so in La-La Land.....
So we have our new phone number, and we are slowly changing our addresses on different non-consequential things (like my Overwaitea card, and my Kraft What's Cooking! magazine), but it still doesn't seem real that we are moving. Even though the SOLD sign is up on the lawn, and the Real Property Report is done..... Doesn't seem real.
Part of me is, I think, just numb and gobsmacked by all the change that is coming up in the next 4 weeks (AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! It's 4 weeks exactly until we move!!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!). And, I'm looking around my house at all the stuff that's left to pack, and I honestly don't know when to start packing it all.
Obviously, I'll start packing away the extra towels and bedsheets pretty soon. And Hubby's closet (good Lord, the man owns more clothes than I do!!!!). And my youngest's extra clothes. Then, I'm at a total loss.

I got some......................... upsetting news the other day. My mother, the 55 year old divorcee is getting remarried. "Oh, probably on Monday or Tuesday..... we're not sure yet....."
Then she had the unmitigated GALL to tell my children that they can call her new hubby "Poppa". Instantly my back went up, and in my head I was like" HELLZ, NOOOO!!!!! "
I have no problem with my children showing her hubby a simple respect, but they already have 2 grandfathers. They can call him Terry. End of discussion.
It just really bothers me that my mother is getting married. I just feel that she is making yet another bad decision by yoking herself to an unbeliever (again!). As well, I also feel like she's worn him down into marriage - like she's coercing him somehow.
But yet, she rushed to assure me that they are getting a pre-nup (which I think is silly. If he's marrying HER, he deserves all the money she's got left as Danger Pay!!!). Fortunately, they are planning on moving to Interior BC - yippee!!!!! Hopefully I can find out that distance makes the heart grow a teensy bit fonder! (Seeing as right now she is not my most fave person!!)

It'll make the Holidays so much easier not to have to deal with my mother and her erratic mood swings all the time. *Sigh.....*

Been a long time....

Wow. I didn't realize that my last post was July 26th..... Ooops!

We have had an absolute WHIRLWIND of activity in the weeks since I last wrote. We....
-went on vacation (had a pretty good time, too)
- came home to an unsold house and barking dogs
-complained to the neighbors about aforementioned dogs
-complained to the City Bylaw services about the frigging dogs
-Hubby went off on the August civic holiday and went out with his friend and I got the house ready for another showing with 4 small kids who were disobedient and a very hairy dog
-we sold the house!!!! Yes!!!
-c/s'ed another home in Smalltown Alberta where we wanted to move to
-had house inspections
-visited my IL's in central Alberta
-looked at buying a new washer/dryer set for the new house in Smalltown Alberta
-brought up the microwave! Woot woot for popcorn again!!!

Needless to say, it's been completely CRAZY the last few weeks.
Hubby and I have been alright - we've had a few miscommunication glitches, but we managed to work them out.
One thing that I was really surprised at was how completely overwhelmed I felt while we were on vacation. I think it was because we really didn't ANY chance to be chillin' or even alone time.
I know on our first night back at home, I dashed out the door to Wal-Mart just to be alone for an hour or so. (I ended up buying new jammies, so it's all good)
Even now, a week plus later after getting home, I find that I am needing my space. I am needing "Me Time" again pretty desperately.
I feel bad, but I am more than happy to have my alone time while Hubby is out with friends, so we are working it out.

However, we still have loads of work left to be done in order to move to Smalltown, Alberta. I still have to pack up the house and get it all ready to move. (I don't mind the packing, but just the sheer logistics! Oy vey!)
We still have to call the new school, utilities, the phone company (good thing we have friends there! LOL), get our mail done.... (Oh crap - that's what I have to do...)

Off to go get stuff done.....
C.