We moved. We lost a teapot. I was totally sick, and barfed a few times (ewwww). Hubby and I are sort of not understanding each other. My mother moved far, far away ::cheers erupt from Smalltown Alberta...::. I still have boxes to deal with that are cluttering up the house.
I woke up this morning not knowing where I was.
Does that about cover everything? :grin:
This morning it snowed when I walked my kids to school. Freak, it was cold!!!! It was so pretty though, too. All these lovely white flakes, silently drifting down from above - almost as a Godly benediction of peace onto my head.
And then my preschooler broke the lovely mood by snickering "Mum, you have white stuff all over your head. I want to hit it!"
And my youngest was making his mittens say "Happy hands, roooar, rooar, roooar..." over and over again.
*sigh* I have a sneaking suspicion that I don't make enough money for what I do some days.
We have a bit of a fancy-schmancy shin dig to go to in the next few days, and I have this horrified fear that I might need a new dress to wear. SHIT! I hate dressing up! Give me jeans and a tee any day..... (Don't get me started on the heels.... Or the hose. ARGH!)
Other than that, we are settling into life in Smalltown rather well. I've discovered the local Wal-Mart, the Rafters shop, and The Dollar Store. I was just trying to unpack boxes. SO far I've unpacked all the DVD's, cd's (and alphabetized them, to boot), most of the books, the kitchen, most of the kids rooms, most of the master room, my clothes, and a good amount of Hubby's clothes. (Don't get me started..... Don't even get me started....)
I'm just wanting Hubby to get a car of his own now. I'm tired of being stuck at home with no way to get any where other than my own 2 feet with 2 cranky kids.
I think I just need to face the truth - I think I have PMS. Hand over the salty snacks and chocolate, and nobody gets hurt.....
Wednesday, 19 September 2007
Saturday, 8 September 2007
Well, I finally kind of "had it out" with my mother tonight about the way she has been treating me (which I feel is badly). I told her that I felt forgotten, disregarded, traded in and unimportant due to her behavior as of late. I also told her that I felt that she was inconsistent and unreliable with my children, so that was why I had really cut down her access to them as of late.
I'm not too sure what to feel about the encounter... I don't know if there will be lasting change, or more intentional speaking now, but at least I told her how I felt.
I hated doing it, though. I really hated doing it.
So far today, I cried twice. I hate days like that.....
Hubby and I had an argument of sorts this morning over the phone. He felt I was shutting him out, and I was distancing myself emotionally from him. So, I had to tell him how I felt (overwhelmed, incompetent, dumb..... ad nauseum), and ended up bawling thru that. I hate feelings. I hate sharing feelings. I hate everything to do with feelings!!!! (I'd rather have a root canal with no freezing!)
Hubby asked jokingly if I was sure I was a girl, as that was a very guy thing for me to say (and mean).
We move in 4 days. I'm a little overwhelmed - just feeling (there's that word I hate again....) very over my head.
I'm honestly not sure of how to feel - I feel sort of numb and distant from myself.
I am, however, ready for this stage of my life to be done.
I'm not too sure what to feel about the encounter... I don't know if there will be lasting change, or more intentional speaking now, but at least I told her how I felt.
I hated doing it, though. I really hated doing it.
So far today, I cried twice. I hate days like that.....
Hubby and I had an argument of sorts this morning over the phone. He felt I was shutting him out, and I was distancing myself emotionally from him. So, I had to tell him how I felt (overwhelmed, incompetent, dumb..... ad nauseum), and ended up bawling thru that. I hate feelings. I hate sharing feelings. I hate everything to do with feelings!!!! (I'd rather have a root canal with no freezing!)
Hubby asked jokingly if I was sure I was a girl, as that was a very guy thing for me to say (and mean).
We move in 4 days. I'm a little overwhelmed - just feeling (there's that word I hate again....) very over my head.
I'm honestly not sure of how to feel - I feel sort of numb and distant from myself.
I am, however, ready for this stage of my life to be done.
Wednesday, 29 August 2007
Been a long time....
Y'know it's been a while since you've blogged when you forget your username and password! LOL
Well, we are down to 2 weeks until we move, and I find myself morphing into Uber-Bitch again. *sigh* I just feel very overwhelmed by all the stuff left to do.
I am up to box #85 already and had to replace my Sharpies for writing on the boxes as I've already killed 6. (Hee, hee...oops....) But tomorrow is the first day of school for my 2 oldest children, and I have a feeling that I may drop them off at school, and may go celebrate with getting a nice coffee (or a Pumpkin Spice Latte.... mmmmm!). I've been ready to kill them!
Other than that, my mother is quickly dropping to the bottom of the Naughty list by standing me up for babysitting with no advance warning, and for getting married, and I had to hear it from my other sister. *insert frowny face here* So, she's married - good riddance to her - and she's just pissing me off at every turn. Thank the LORD that her hubby's (? How weird is that!!!) condo sold last week, and they have to be out of it by September 15th. They may never grace my new home this year! Woo, woo!!!
So, just it's been a bit of stress around here lately. I am ready. I am ready for change. I am ready for my kids to go back to school. I am ready to move. I feel like I have outgrown where I am here in BigCity Alberta. I am looking forward to discovering new stores, and new roads (which, if you knew me really well, is nothing short of a miracle!!).
I'm ready, but why does it have to be so much work????
Well, we are down to 2 weeks until we move, and I find myself morphing into Uber-Bitch again. *sigh* I just feel very overwhelmed by all the stuff left to do.
I am up to box #85 already and had to replace my Sharpies for writing on the boxes as I've already killed 6. (Hee, hee...oops....) But tomorrow is the first day of school for my 2 oldest children, and I have a feeling that I may drop them off at school, and may go celebrate with getting a nice coffee (or a Pumpkin Spice Latte.... mmmmm!). I've been ready to kill them!
Other than that, my mother is quickly dropping to the bottom of the Naughty list by standing me up for babysitting with no advance warning, and for getting married, and I had to hear it from my other sister. *insert frowny face here* So, she's married - good riddance to her - and she's just pissing me off at every turn. Thank the LORD that her hubby's (? How weird is that!!!) condo sold last week, and they have to be out of it by September 15th. They may never grace my new home this year! Woo, woo!!!
So, just it's been a bit of stress around here lately. I am ready. I am ready for change. I am ready for my kids to go back to school. I am ready to move. I feel like I have outgrown where I am here in BigCity Alberta. I am looking forward to discovering new stores, and new roads (which, if you knew me really well, is nothing short of a miracle!!).
I'm ready, but why does it have to be so much work????
Wednesday, 15 August 2007
Pinch Me.....
I feel like I am so in La-La Land.....
So we have our new phone number, and we are slowly changing our addresses on different non-consequential things (like my Overwaitea card, and my Kraft What's Cooking! magazine), but it still doesn't seem real that we are moving. Even though the SOLD sign is up on the lawn, and the Real Property Report is done..... Doesn't seem real.
Part of me is, I think, just numb and gobsmacked by all the change that is coming up in the next 4 weeks (AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! It's 4 weeks exactly until we move!!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!). And, I'm looking around my house at all the stuff that's left to pack, and I honestly don't know when to start packing it all.
Obviously, I'll start packing away the extra towels and bedsheets pretty soon. And Hubby's closet (good Lord, the man owns more clothes than I do!!!!). And my youngest's extra clothes. Then, I'm at a total loss.
I got some......................... upsetting news the other day. My mother, the 55 year old divorcee is getting remarried. "Oh, probably on Monday or Tuesday..... we're not sure yet....."
Then she had the unmitigated GALL to tell my children that they can call her new hubby "Poppa". Instantly my back went up, and in my head I was like" HELLZ, NOOOO!!!!! "
I have no problem with my children showing her hubby a simple respect, but they already have 2 grandfathers. They can call him Terry. End of discussion.
It just really bothers me that my mother is getting married. I just feel that she is making yet another bad decision by yoking herself to an unbeliever (again!). As well, I also feel like she's worn him down into marriage - like she's coercing him somehow.
But yet, she rushed to assure me that they are getting a pre-nup (which I think is silly. If he's marrying HER, he deserves all the money she's got left as Danger Pay!!!). Fortunately, they are planning on moving to Interior BC - yippee!!!!! Hopefully I can find out that distance makes the heart grow a teensy bit fonder! (Seeing as right now she is not my most fave person!!)
It'll make the Holidays so much easier not to have to deal with my mother and her erratic mood swings all the time. *Sigh.....*
So we have our new phone number, and we are slowly changing our addresses on different non-consequential things (like my Overwaitea card, and my Kraft What's Cooking! magazine), but it still doesn't seem real that we are moving. Even though the SOLD sign is up on the lawn, and the Real Property Report is done..... Doesn't seem real.
Part of me is, I think, just numb and gobsmacked by all the change that is coming up in the next 4 weeks (AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! It's 4 weeks exactly until we move!!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!). And, I'm looking around my house at all the stuff that's left to pack, and I honestly don't know when to start packing it all.
Obviously, I'll start packing away the extra towels and bedsheets pretty soon. And Hubby's closet (good Lord, the man owns more clothes than I do!!!!). And my youngest's extra clothes. Then, I'm at a total loss.
I got some......................... upsetting news the other day. My mother, the 55 year old divorcee is getting remarried. "Oh, probably on Monday or Tuesday..... we're not sure yet....."
Then she had the unmitigated GALL to tell my children that they can call her new hubby "Poppa". Instantly my back went up, and in my head I was like" HELLZ, NOOOO!!!!! "
I have no problem with my children showing her hubby a simple respect, but they already have 2 grandfathers. They can call him Terry. End of discussion.
It just really bothers me that my mother is getting married. I just feel that she is making yet another bad decision by yoking herself to an unbeliever (again!). As well, I also feel like she's worn him down into marriage - like she's coercing him somehow.
But yet, she rushed to assure me that they are getting a pre-nup (which I think is silly. If he's marrying HER, he deserves all the money she's got left as Danger Pay!!!). Fortunately, they are planning on moving to Interior BC - yippee!!!!! Hopefully I can find out that distance makes the heart grow a teensy bit fonder! (Seeing as right now she is not my most fave person!!)
It'll make the Holidays so much easier not to have to deal with my mother and her erratic mood swings all the time. *Sigh.....*
Monday, 13 August 2007
Been a long time....
Wow. I didn't realize that my last post was July 26th..... Ooops!
We have had an absolute WHIRLWIND of activity in the weeks since I last wrote. We....
-went on vacation (had a pretty good time, too)
- came home to an unsold house and barking dogs
-complained to the neighbors about aforementioned dogs
-complained to the City Bylaw services about the frigging dogs
-Hubby went off on the August civic holiday and went out with his friend and I got the house ready for another showing with 4 small kids who were disobedient and a very hairy dog
-we sold the house!!!! Yes!!!
-c/s'ed another home in Smalltown Alberta where we wanted to move to
-had house inspections
-visited my IL's in central Alberta
-looked at buying a new washer/dryer set for the new house in Smalltown Alberta
-brought up the microwave! Woot woot for popcorn again!!!
Needless to say, it's been completely CRAZY the last few weeks.
Hubby and I have been alright - we've had a few miscommunication glitches, but we managed to work them out.
One thing that I was really surprised at was how completely overwhelmed I felt while we were on vacation. I think it was because we really didn't ANY chance to be chillin' or even alone time.
I know on our first night back at home, I dashed out the door to Wal-Mart just to be alone for an hour or so. (I ended up buying new jammies, so it's all good)
Even now, a week plus later after getting home, I find that I am needing my space. I am needing "Me Time" again pretty desperately.
I feel bad, but I am more than happy to have my alone time while Hubby is out with friends, so we are working it out.
However, we still have loads of work left to be done in order to move to Smalltown, Alberta. I still have to pack up the house and get it all ready to move. (I don't mind the packing, but just the sheer logistics! Oy vey!)
We still have to call the new school, utilities, the phone company (good thing we have friends there! LOL), get our mail done.... (Oh crap - that's what I have to do...)
Off to go get stuff done.....
C.
We have had an absolute WHIRLWIND of activity in the weeks since I last wrote. We....
-went on vacation (had a pretty good time, too)
- came home to an unsold house and barking dogs
-complained to the neighbors about aforementioned dogs
-complained to the City Bylaw services about the frigging dogs
-Hubby went off on the August civic holiday and went out with his friend and I got the house ready for another showing with 4 small kids who were disobedient and a very hairy dog
-we sold the house!!!! Yes!!!
-c/s'ed another home in Smalltown Alberta where we wanted to move to
-had house inspections
-visited my IL's in central Alberta
-looked at buying a new washer/dryer set for the new house in Smalltown Alberta
-brought up the microwave! Woot woot for popcorn again!!!
Needless to say, it's been completely CRAZY the last few weeks.
Hubby and I have been alright - we've had a few miscommunication glitches, but we managed to work them out.
One thing that I was really surprised at was how completely overwhelmed I felt while we were on vacation. I think it was because we really didn't ANY chance to be chillin' or even alone time.
I know on our first night back at home, I dashed out the door to Wal-Mart just to be alone for an hour or so. (I ended up buying new jammies, so it's all good)
Even now, a week plus later after getting home, I find that I am needing my space. I am needing "Me Time" again pretty desperately.
I feel bad, but I am more than happy to have my alone time while Hubby is out with friends, so we are working it out.
However, we still have loads of work left to be done in order to move to Smalltown, Alberta. I still have to pack up the house and get it all ready to move. (I don't mind the packing, but just the sheer logistics! Oy vey!)
We still have to call the new school, utilities, the phone company (good thing we have friends there! LOL), get our mail done.... (Oh crap - that's what I have to do...)
Off to go get stuff done.....
C.
Thursday, 26 July 2007
I feel so much better now....
Wow..........
It's amazing what a deadline met can make you feel like.
I feel so amazingly competent. I feel so proud of myself. With God and my hubby's help - we did it. We got the house ready for listing today.
I almost feel like leaping up in the air and cheering loudly (except my feet hurt, so I'll take a raincheck on the leaping part). I feel like a conqueror. I conquered my house, and I WON!!!!!
When the realtor came to take the photos for the MLS service, she commented that the house looked AMAZING and that it would show so well. I really felt that I've done all that I can do - now it's all in God's hands. I've done everything He's asked me to do to the best of my ability..... Now is the time that He needs to "kiss" the work that I've done.... IN other words, He needs to bless it. Goodness knows I've prayed enough for this house and the new owners!!!
Now that the "craziness" is over, I can concentrate on vacationing. You have NO idea how much I am looking forward to sitting in one spot and reading a good book. (I know, it prolly won't happen because I have 4 kids including 1 trouble prone toddler, but I can have my fantasies, can't I??)
Now that the craziness is over, my hubby and I can hopefully stop fighting.
I hate fighting.
Unfortch, with all the work and reno's that we've had to do in the last month and a half, it seems like we were both snippy and argumentative with each other. I know I was/am not perfect, and I know that under stress I can morph into an Uber-standoffish-beeyotch. I'm not excusing my behaviour at all. I guess I'm not looking forward to "talking" with hubby.
I think I am the ONLY female on the planet that hates talking about how she feels. (Hence the blog! *Grin*) I always end up crying and being really quiet when it comes to feelings, and it seems that my hubby gets really irritated/annoyed/fed up with me crying and being quiet.
I can't tell you how often he's yelled at me that "I'm not a freaking mind reader, Cindy!! You gotta tell me!!".
The thing is, I *think* I tell him, and in my world (on Happy Cindy Planet) it is telling. But in "Hubbyland" I'm not telling him.
*sigh*
And we had it out about sex the other night. Apparently, 3 times that I tried to initiate sex, he didn't even realize what I was attempting to do.
(I"ve also tried since then, FYI, and both times were a no-go. I can understand that..... The last thing I want at the end of an exhausting day is to fool around. Fair enough. )
Why does sex have to be such a sticky area? Why is it a stumbling area for so many couples?
I know some couples that have strict outlines for sex - no morning sex, no quickies while the kids are awake, spitting no swallowing, no toys...... Yada, yada, yada.
It seems like after 9 years of marriage, we need to rediscover what it right for us at this stage in our marriage. I'm tired of being compared to other couples and their sex lives..... We're us. We aren't anyone else, and no one else is in our marriage. Therefore, we cater to our needs and wants.
And I know this is horrible to say, but right now I am just not in a sex space. I think it's because I am just so tired and spent.
I actually fantasized the other day about being sedated at the hospital for a good week to recuperate. LOL!!!! As long as I have an IV in my arm, and a catheter, I am good to go! (I'd prolly even lose weight that way, too! LOL)
C.
It's amazing what a deadline met can make you feel like.
I feel so amazingly competent. I feel so proud of myself. With God and my hubby's help - we did it. We got the house ready for listing today.
I almost feel like leaping up in the air and cheering loudly (except my feet hurt, so I'll take a raincheck on the leaping part). I feel like a conqueror. I conquered my house, and I WON!!!!!
When the realtor came to take the photos for the MLS service, she commented that the house looked AMAZING and that it would show so well. I really felt that I've done all that I can do - now it's all in God's hands. I've done everything He's asked me to do to the best of my ability..... Now is the time that He needs to "kiss" the work that I've done.... IN other words, He needs to bless it. Goodness knows I've prayed enough for this house and the new owners!!!
Now that the "craziness" is over, I can concentrate on vacationing. You have NO idea how much I am looking forward to sitting in one spot and reading a good book. (I know, it prolly won't happen because I have 4 kids including 1 trouble prone toddler, but I can have my fantasies, can't I??)
Now that the craziness is over, my hubby and I can hopefully stop fighting.
I hate fighting.
Unfortch, with all the work and reno's that we've had to do in the last month and a half, it seems like we were both snippy and argumentative with each other. I know I was/am not perfect, and I know that under stress I can morph into an Uber-standoffish-beeyotch. I'm not excusing my behaviour at all. I guess I'm not looking forward to "talking" with hubby.
I think I am the ONLY female on the planet that hates talking about how she feels. (Hence the blog! *Grin*) I always end up crying and being really quiet when it comes to feelings, and it seems that my hubby gets really irritated/annoyed/fed up with me crying and being quiet.
I can't tell you how often he's yelled at me that "I'm not a freaking mind reader, Cindy!! You gotta tell me!!".
The thing is, I *think* I tell him, and in my world (on Happy Cindy Planet) it is telling. But in "Hubbyland" I'm not telling him.
*sigh*
And we had it out about sex the other night. Apparently, 3 times that I tried to initiate sex, he didn't even realize what I was attempting to do.
(I"ve also tried since then, FYI, and both times were a no-go. I can understand that..... The last thing I want at the end of an exhausting day is to fool around. Fair enough. )
Why does sex have to be such a sticky area? Why is it a stumbling area for so many couples?
I know some couples that have strict outlines for sex - no morning sex, no quickies while the kids are awake, spitting no swallowing, no toys...... Yada, yada, yada.
It seems like after 9 years of marriage, we need to rediscover what it right for us at this stage in our marriage. I'm tired of being compared to other couples and their sex lives..... We're us. We aren't anyone else, and no one else is in our marriage. Therefore, we cater to our needs and wants.
And I know this is horrible to say, but right now I am just not in a sex space. I think it's because I am just so tired and spent.
I actually fantasized the other day about being sedated at the hospital for a good week to recuperate. LOL!!!! As long as I have an IV in my arm, and a catheter, I am good to go! (I'd prolly even lose weight that way, too! LOL)
C.
Tuesday, 24 July 2007
Ooooohhhhhhhhh, FREAK OUT!
Well, the papers are signed. Our house is up for sale as of Thursday. Can we say, "Aaaahhh!!!!"?
I am freaking out. I totally am. God is going to have to do a massive miracle.
I've already been praying for the family that is going to buy our current house, and I think I've actually been travailing in prayer for them. Just lots of prayers, all around.
God, please help sell our house QUICKLY!!!! (Within a week is great!)
So with that all said, I've been busier than a 1 armed paper hanger in a tornado. Paint paint here, clean clean there, here a sweep, there a vac, everywhere a tidy, tidy,
Cindy had a house to sell, e-i-e-i-ooooooooo!
*Cindy slams her head down and longs for sleep*
G'night.
I am freaking out. I totally am. God is going to have to do a massive miracle.
I've already been praying for the family that is going to buy our current house, and I think I've actually been travailing in prayer for them. Just lots of prayers, all around.
God, please help sell our house QUICKLY!!!! (Within a week is great!)
So with that all said, I've been busier than a 1 armed paper hanger in a tornado. Paint paint here, clean clean there, here a sweep, there a vac, everywhere a tidy, tidy,
Cindy had a house to sell, e-i-e-i-ooooooooo!
*Cindy slams her head down and longs for sleep*
G'night.
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