Well, I finally kind of "had it out" with my mother tonight about the way she has been treating me (which I feel is badly). I told her that I felt forgotten, disregarded, traded in and unimportant due to her behavior as of late. I also told her that I felt that she was inconsistent and unreliable with my children, so that was why I had really cut down her access to them as of late.
I'm not too sure what to feel about the encounter... I don't know if there will be lasting change, or more intentional speaking now, but at least I told her how I felt.
I hated doing it, though. I really hated doing it.

So far today, I cried twice. I hate days like that.....

Hubby and I had an argument of sorts this morning over the phone. He felt I was shutting him out, and I was distancing myself emotionally from him. So, I had to tell him how I felt (overwhelmed, incompetent, dumb..... ad nauseum), and ended up bawling thru that. I hate feelings. I hate sharing feelings. I hate everything to do with feelings!!!! (I'd rather have a root canal with no freezing!)
Hubby asked jokingly if I was sure I was a girl, as that was a very guy thing for me to say (and mean).

We move in 4 days. I'm a little overwhelmed - just feeling (there's that word I hate again....) very over my head.

I'm honestly not sure of how to feel - I feel sort of numb and distant from myself.
I am, however, ready for this stage of my life to be done.