I had this fantastic, witty post all roughed in my head for what I was going to write. And then, like every other time, my own personal reality reared it's ugly head yet once again.... Therefore giving me abundant material from which to glean. *grin*
So, I went shopping yesterday at Chinook Center (http://www.chinookcentre.com/index.php) - quite possibly the biggest mall that I will go to. I'm sure there's bigger, but I have a little self-respect and I choose not to go there. (Seeing as I hate shopping and all...)
So I dropped off Hubby's coat at Danier Leather (the best leather store around) (www.danier.com) to get a new liner put in to replace the old, shredded one. Then, I hot-footed it over to Addition Elle (Canada's answer to Lane Bryant) (http://www.1-plus.com/AE_stcVVcatId487088VVviewcat.htm) and got me a cute new winter coat to replace my nasty Telus one.... It's white with a little black detailing and a reddish-pink cording detail..... I looked on the AE website, and couldn't find it. But, originally, it was priced at $169.99, then they ever-so-generously *insert eye roll here* marked it down $10, to $159.99. I got it for 50% off the lowest ticketed price. SCORE!!!!! It's cute, it's functional, and it FITS!!!
Yay, yay, yay!!!
So, I had all that time yesterday, wandering around the mall by myself!!!!, and I came home to my 4 children.
Now, for those people who read this and still have little babies that are getting up a few times a night - I am so sorry to disillusion you. But I honestly thought (like the naive Pollyanna that I can be at times) that when your kids learn to sleep through the night, you were now a resident of Easy Street.
Yeah - not so with us...... :(
Lately, we've had the stomach flu meandering around our family, and it likes to only get 1 person sick at a time. (Like the stomach flu generally does) And, lucky me - they usually get sick in the middle of the night. (Isn't that they way it usually goes?)
So my oldest Daughter got it a few weeks ago. Then it wandered over to my youngest daughter. Now my oldest son has it - and he threw up all over his brand new bed sheets and comforter that he got for Christmas. *sigh*
And then, my oldest daughter had horrible nightmares about this voice that repeats itself and increases in volume.... So I woke up at 4 am to my oldest daughter bawling her eyes out.
Great. I love waking up like that...... NOT!
So, I am stuck at home with 4 disagreeable kids today - I can't even make a break to the Library today! Bummer!
But I am just hoping that everyone feels better soon - I am so sick and tired of everyone being sick and tired.
Toodles! Off to do pukey laundry now!
Friday 28 December 2007
Wednesday 26 December 2007
Happy Boxing Day!
Okay, I feel really bad that I haven't posted in a while, but I am quite tired, so this will be a quickie.... 'kay?
Well I hope y'all had a great Christmas that was full of the love of God. I had a Christmas where I was spoiled ROTTEN!!!! YEAH!!! My Christmas was really good, but it's totally set our bedtime schedule outta whack. *Hence the reason I'm tired....*
Just wanted to let you all know out there in Cyberspace that no, I am not dead. Just really lazy!!!
TTYL!
Well I hope y'all had a great Christmas that was full of the love of God. I had a Christmas where I was spoiled ROTTEN!!!! YEAH!!! My Christmas was really good, but it's totally set our bedtime schedule outta whack. *Hence the reason I'm tired....*
Just wanted to let you all know out there in Cyberspace that no, I am not dead. Just really lazy!!!
TTYL!
Saturday 10 November 2007
Well, this has been one of the strangest periods of my life, I swear. (And I've been thru lots of weird stuff so I believe myself to be a bit of an expert on this...)
I just really feel bothered for a lack of a better term with my role in life. Don't get me wrong..... I love who I am, I love what I do. I am a damn good mum and a kick-ass wife. I"m not talking about that sort of role though.
I'm talking about my role - my purpose, my passion - what I do to eternally impact others around me in a way for Jesus.
Ever since my last post when I was so devastatingly pruned by the Lord, I've felt so empty. So barren. So fruitless.
And I guess I'm coming ot the cold hard truth of the matter which is - I don't want to be that way. I want to be a fruitful, productive person. I want to be caring, loving, compassionate. I want to move into what the Lord has for me. I want to live out my dreams. (Aaaaaaannnnndddd, she lived happilyeverafter. The end.)
Now, don't laugh, but deep down inside, I've always wanted to write big thick books. I love books. I ADORE books. I love the power of the written word to move you, to inspire you, to move you to tears, to jostle you towards something.
As I got older and discovered that no, not everyone dreams of being a writer, and that there really are very few writers actually out there that make a decent living from their pens (or computers, as it turns out...) I thought I'd reduce my dream just ever-so-slightly, just to make it attainable. I would become a librarian. *cue trumpet fanfare* Yeah. Good luck on finding out info on how to get that degree from University! I've been searching for quite some time!
I guess what I brought that up for is this.... I was doing my bible study homework tonight, and the theme of this week is "I Am Who God Says I Am.". Interesting topic, right???? Yeah - well, who DOES God say that I am? Am I just a mother? A wife? A laundress? A cook? A friend? A person who works in the Nursery at church? A Christian?
Why do all my hopes and dreams keep on coming full circle to writing? And why is God forcing me out of the cocoon of my house so that I have to deal with and open up to people? (It so scares me! The potential for rejection is massive!) I don't want to open up to people. Emotions are messy things, not easily explainable. Not easily forgotten. Not easily mourned. Exhausting.
So see my conundrum? I feel pulled to writing, but it feels like God is sticking me in a community and is expecting me to share, to open up. I don't like it!!! People don't believe me when I say that I'm an introvert..... They are fooled by my out-going mask that I've gotten oh-so-good at wearing. I hate dealing with emotions. I hate talking about feelings. I'd rather be at home, by myself, than be out at a party. I'd rather be at the dentist than be at a party.
I guess I'm not sure where this post is headed - I feel that it's very disjointed and all over the place. I'm pulled with complete longing to one side, of quiet, of solitude. But I feel prodded towards the other side - of the messiness that can sometimes be human relationship, of noisiness, of laughter, of community.
I do want so badly to be on the quiet side, but I sense not yet. (Which makes me sad)
Oh God....... Show me which way to go. Give me the courage to follow your leading, for I lack it. Give me the desire to obey. Please don't let it hurt too much......
Tuesday 30 October 2007
Pruning Time.....
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If trees received appropriate summer training and pruning, far less dormant pruning is necessary. However, the absence of leaves provides a clear view of the framework of the tree, so thin or head any branches that were not adequately summer pruned.
Pruning Overgrown Trees
Many people have one or more large, neglected fruit trees in their yards. The far majority of fruit from these trees must be picked using ladders, and much of it is even higher. It is very difficult to prune, spray, or thin the fruit in these trees, and high branches often break due to the weight of the fruit. Diseases or borers often invade these trees, and you must assess whether it is worth bringing the tree height down or simply removing the tree and planting a new one. In general, where a large tree is desired it is best to use a shade tree rather than a fruiting tree unless you are able to manage a large fruit tree.
If you decide to work with the tree, there are three main ways to prune it: 1) maintain the tree height and make mostly thinning cuts, 2) reduce the tree height slowly over about a three-year period, or 3) drastically cut back all main branches but one. With more extreme methods where large branches must be cut, wait until February or March – even into the flowering period – in order to allow quicker healing and to reduce the chance of disease organisms entering large pruning wounds during winter rains. Do not paint wounds with anything except white paint. When heading cuts are necessary, if possible cut back to a lateral branch at least one-third the thickness of the branch being cut. Also, if pruning results in exposure of branches to prolonged periods of hot afternoon sun, paint them white with tree whitewash or with a 50:50 mixture of interior white latex paint and water.
1. Maintain the tree height and make mostly thinning cuts. This method assumes that the tree is structurally sound and not much taller than you are able to easily manage with an available ladder. If the tree has been neglected many branches will need to be removed, especially high in the tree. Thin out enough branches to allow sunlight to penetrate to lower wood, but don’t create such big gaps that main branches become subject to sunburn; paint them if necessary. Remove any branches growing beyond the height you are able to pick the fruit. By keeping the tree at this height, it will produce new, vigorous shoots – especially on the top of the tree. These must be removed each year, preferably through summer pruning.
2. Reduce the tree height slowly over about a three-year period. This approach can be successful with appropriate follow-up pruning, especially summer pruning. Determine how tall you would like the permanent structure of the tree to be, and reduce the height by one-third each year for three years until the final height is reached. Vigorous shoot growth is inevitable, so it is essential to remove or head many of these shoots once or twice in the summer to avoid shading lower fruiting wood. Also, thin out branches as needed to allow sunlight penetration.
3. Drastically cut back all main branches but one. This is an extreme method of reducing tree height in a single season. Not all trees are capable of resprouting from large lower branches. Apples and pears will usually work, but old stone fruit trees may not effectively resprout because lower buds may not be able to push through the thick bark. Also, there are often no small branches or twigs low in these trees from which to
EH Note #82 Training and Pruning Fruit Trees Page 4 of 4
produce a new framework. Another concern is that some backyard trees have no main branches below 6 to 8 feet. Such trees are better off pruned conventionally or removed, since the only major cut low in the tree leaves only a stump, which may not regrow.
Main branches are cut with a saw by first creating a deep cut on the underside (to prevent bark splitting) and then removing the limb with a cut on the upper side. If possible, cut above one or more lateral branches – even if they are small branches. Head or thin these branches as needed; they, along with shoots arising from buds on the main branches, will form the framework for the new, small tree. To prevent sunburn, all exposed main branches must be whitewashed.
Because this method removes so much leaf area but maintains a large root system that must continue to receive products of photosynthesis (carbohydrates), it is important to leave one smaller main branch or a large side branch unpruned. This extra branch is then removed the following year, after new branches have formed from the main branch stumps. Follow-up summer and dormant pruning is essential to reform the tree in the desired manner."
written by Chuck Ingels (Farm Advisor) and UC Master Gardener Eleanor Dong
(source: http://ucce.ucdavis.edu/files/filelibrary/2002/3363.pdf)
So, am I to be flattered that God would take the time to prune me to be more fruitful? Right now, from where I sit, tap, tap, tapping away at this keyboard, I am not flattered. I want to have a big ole crying fit, and I want to tell God that it's not fair that I have to lose this group of girls that have meant so much to me.
But, at the end of the day, do I realize that God is asking me to give up stuff that I already have in my hands so that He can put more into my hands???
So, with a heavy heart, I open my hands and watch the beautiful gift that He blessed me with for the last year - the MommaDucks, fly away into the sky. Be blessed, all of us Duckies. Be blessed. May God prove Himself faithful to all of us in overflowing our cups of joy. May He bless our families, our marriages.
May He one day allow us to finally all meet in Heaven and rejoice together with Him and each
other.
Fly in the Lord, girls. I am blessed to have known you. Thanks for giving me a taste of Heaven within our group.
Jesus Is the Vine—Followers Are Branches
1 "I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 "Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes[1][Lit cleans; used to describe pruning] it so that it may bear more fruit. 3 "You are already clean[2][I.e. pruned like a branch] because of the word which I have spoken to you. 4 "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of[3][Lit from ] itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me. 5 "I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. 6 "If anyone does not abide in Me, he is thrown away as a branch and dries up; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire and they are burned. 7 "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 "My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove[4][Or become My disciples ] to be My disciples. 9 "Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. 10 "If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. 11 "These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.
Disciples' Relation to Each Other
12 "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. 13 "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. 14 "You are My friends if you do what I command you. 15 "No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 "You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you. 17 "This I command you, that you love one another.
(John 15:1-17)
As I was talking with Hubby about the Ducks disbanding, I started to weep. And then, lo and behold, I started saying that I felt that God is stripping away lots of things from me. Almost like I am a tree, that is flourishing and is growing new branches that are going every which way. As a gardener, you cannot have a tree that has TONS of new branches and still expect lots of good quality fruit off of it.
If trees received appropriate summer training and pruning, far less dormant pruning is necessary. However, the absence of leaves provides a clear view of the framework of the tree, so thin or head any branches that were not adequately summer pruned.
Pruning Overgrown Trees
Many people have one or more large, neglected fruit trees in their yards. The far majority of fruit from these trees must be picked using ladders, and much of it is even higher. It is very difficult to prune, spray, or thin the fruit in these trees, and high branches often break due to the weight of the fruit. Diseases or borers often invade these trees, and you must assess whether it is worth bringing the tree height down or simply removing the tree and planting a new one. In general, where a large tree is desired it is best to use a shade tree rather than a fruiting tree unless you are able to manage a large fruit tree.
If you decide to work with the tree, there are three main ways to prune it: 1) maintain the tree height and make mostly thinning cuts, 2) reduce the tree height slowly over about a three-year period, or 3) drastically cut back all main branches but one. With more extreme methods where large branches must be cut, wait until February or March – even into the flowering period – in order to allow quicker healing and to reduce the chance of disease organisms entering large pruning wounds during winter rains. Do not paint wounds with anything except white paint. When heading cuts are necessary, if possible cut back to a lateral branch at least one-third the thickness of the branch being cut. Also, if pruning results in exposure of branches to prolonged periods of hot afternoon sun, paint them white with tree whitewash or with a 50:50 mixture of interior white latex paint and water.
1. Maintain the tree height and make mostly thinning cuts. This method assumes that the tree is structurally sound and not much taller than you are able to easily manage with an available ladder. If the tree has been neglected many branches will need to be removed, especially high in the tree. Thin out enough branches to allow sunlight to penetrate to lower wood, but don’t create such big gaps that main branches become subject to sunburn; paint them if necessary. Remove any branches growing beyond the height you are able to pick the fruit. By keeping the tree at this height, it will produce new, vigorous shoots – especially on the top of the tree. These must be removed each year, preferably through summer pruning.
2. Reduce the tree height slowly over about a three-year period. This approach can be successful with appropriate follow-up pruning, especially summer pruning. Determine how tall you would like the permanent structure of the tree to be, and reduce the height by one-third each year for three years until the final height is reached. Vigorous shoot growth is inevitable, so it is essential to remove or head many of these shoots once or twice in the summer to avoid shading lower fruiting wood. Also, thin out branches as needed to allow sunlight penetration.
3. Drastically cut back all main branches but one. This is an extreme method of reducing tree height in a single season. Not all trees are capable of resprouting from large lower branches. Apples and pears will usually work, but old stone fruit trees may not effectively resprout because lower buds may not be able to push through the thick bark. Also, there are often no small branches or twigs low in these trees from which to
EH Note #82 Training and Pruning Fruit Trees Page 4 of 4
produce a new framework. Another concern is that some backyard trees have no main branches below 6 to 8 feet. Such trees are better off pruned conventionally or removed, since the only major cut low in the tree leaves only a stump, which may not regrow.
Main branches are cut with a saw by first creating a deep cut on the underside (to prevent bark splitting) and then removing the limb with a cut on the upper side. If possible, cut above one or more lateral branches – even if they are small branches. Head or thin these branches as needed; they, along with shoots arising from buds on the main branches, will form the framework for the new, small tree. To prevent sunburn, all exposed main branches must be whitewashed.
Because this method removes so much leaf area but maintains a large root system that must continue to receive products of photosynthesis (carbohydrates), it is important to leave one smaller main branch or a large side branch unpruned. This extra branch is then removed the following year, after new branches have formed from the main branch stumps. Follow-up summer and dormant pruning is essential to reform the tree in the desired manner."
written by Chuck Ingels (Farm Advisor) and UC Master Gardener Eleanor Dong
(source: http://ucce.ucdavis.edu/files/filelibrary/2002/3363.pdf)
So, am I to be flattered that God would take the time to prune me to be more fruitful? Right now, from where I sit, tap, tap, tapping away at this keyboard, I am not flattered. I want to have a big ole crying fit, and I want to tell God that it's not fair that I have to lose this group of girls that have meant so much to me.
But, at the end of the day, do I realize that God is asking me to give up stuff that I already have in my hands so that He can put more into my hands???
So, with a heavy heart, I open my hands and watch the beautiful gift that He blessed me with for the last year - the MommaDucks, fly away into the sky. Be blessed, all of us Duckies. Be blessed. May God prove Himself faithful to all of us in overflowing our cups of joy. May He bless our families, our marriages.
May He one day allow us to finally all meet in Heaven and rejoice together with Him and each
other.
Fly in the Lord, girls. I am blessed to have known you. Thanks for giving me a taste of Heaven within our group.
Love,
C.
And So Closes Another Chapter....
Well, the Duckies are no more. We are disbanded.
I have to admit - I'm sad. I'm really sad. This group of 5 women, whom (I believe) God brought together off of an internet bulletin board, whom I've shared so much with - we are done. Our little corner of the internet is gone.
Y'know, it's been a great time. It hasn't been all roses and sunshine - we've had our disagreements and all, but all in all - we laughed together. We prayed together. We emailed like CRAZY all back and forth. At times, I thought my inbox was going to exceed it's limit!
I do understand why one of the girls felt the need to pull back - she has 4 kids under the age of 4. For that alone, I applaud her. And, she's busy with MOPS and MDO's, and her wonderful hubby, and church and all that stuff.
But at the same time, I still have that residual sense of loss. And I know that it was great, but reminding me of how great and good it all was doesn't stop the tears from running down my cheeks.
Adieu, MommaDucks. What a ride. I will never see another little duck piece of jewelry the same again....
I have to admit - I'm sad. I'm really sad. This group of 5 women, whom (I believe) God brought together off of an internet bulletin board, whom I've shared so much with - we are done. Our little corner of the internet is gone.
Y'know, it's been a great time. It hasn't been all roses and sunshine - we've had our disagreements and all, but all in all - we laughed together. We prayed together. We emailed like CRAZY all back and forth. At times, I thought my inbox was going to exceed it's limit!
I do understand why one of the girls felt the need to pull back - she has 4 kids under the age of 4. For that alone, I applaud her. And, she's busy with MOPS and MDO's, and her wonderful hubby, and church and all that stuff.
But at the same time, I still have that residual sense of loss. And I know that it was great, but reminding me of how great and good it all was doesn't stop the tears from running down my cheeks.
Adieu, MommaDucks. What a ride. I will never see another little duck piece of jewelry the same again....
Tuesday 23 October 2007
So sad.....
I feel like I've just lost one of my best friends, and I don't know why.
See, I belong to this FANTASTIC group of Christian moms where we all have large families, and it is SO cool how God has all brought us together. We email each other on a daily basis, and we pray for each other, revel in each other's successes, cheer loudly and exuberantly for each other when we bravely attempt something new, we soothe each other's spirit's when we are down, we prop each other up when we are downcast..... It's just an amazing group of women.
Needless to say, with so much awesomeness in one small group, there's bound to be disagreements from time to time. Right? Right.
I thought we were dealing with our diversity very well, but one of our group suddenly just up and announced that she is taking a break from us.
I feel very cast aside.
I feel that she would benefit from discussing her feelings, not by shutting us out and turning her back on us.
I jus feel really sad right now.... Off to go pray about it....
See, I belong to this FANTASTIC group of Christian moms where we all have large families, and it is SO cool how God has all brought us together. We email each other on a daily basis, and we pray for each other, revel in each other's successes, cheer loudly and exuberantly for each other when we bravely attempt something new, we soothe each other's spirit's when we are down, we prop each other up when we are downcast..... It's just an amazing group of women.
Needless to say, with so much awesomeness in one small group, there's bound to be disagreements from time to time. Right? Right.
I thought we were dealing with our diversity very well, but one of our group suddenly just up and announced that she is taking a break from us.
I feel very cast aside.
I feel that she would benefit from discussing her feelings, not by shutting us out and turning her back on us.
I jus feel really sad right now.... Off to go pray about it....
Wednesday 10 October 2007
The Return To Simpler Things...
First up - let me give out a holla, holla!!!! to my Duckie girls. I gave them the link to my blog, so they might be reading it. (I've already read yours, Missy!)
Next up - daymmmmm! How do I go almost a MONTH without posting at all???? Criminy rickets! I gotta stop doing that! How is that helping me to write at all????
Well, here we are... A few days past Thanksgiving: Canadian Edition and I am no longer waking up and not knowing where I am. :cheers erupt from Smalltown Alberta!: Most of the time, I wake up and know where I am, which is a great thing. I am very happy with that.
I'm starting to feel settled in the new house, but cannot yet call it "home" without feeling like I'm somehow betraying the old house. (Which, I know, sounds completely LAME, but hey! They are feelings! And feelings are neither right nor wrong, so stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it! Ha!)
I'm enjoying the extra room, but I know that right now is the sort of "New Home Honeymoon" period where you haven't made the interest payment on your mortgage yet, you haven't gotten any utility bills yet, and you're just bumpin' right on along, tripping merrily on the road to Wal-Mart to go pick up MORE throw rugs for the new house "just coz you can" and everything is hunky dory. Then, BLAM! You get socked in the side of the head with a little ole thing I like to call REALITY. And you can bet that reality can sometimes be a bitch on wheels, can't she????
So, I feel like I'm bracing my self inwardly for the slam of reality and what that means to us, as a family, and me, as the main grocery shopper/procurer of stuff from Wal-Mart/getter of new shoes/ purchaser for all holidays and birthdays......
*sigh* Sometimes I wish life wasn't so MUCH.
But some good stuff has happened too, in the past little bit. I've started to play the piano again, which I NEVER thought I'd do. My sister gave me all the sheet music that we had when we were growing up, and MAN! Did we ever have a lot of sheet music!!!
So, I"ve been dabbling a little bit in some of the old songs I used to play. I was a lot better than I gave myself credit for, way back in the day. (Much to my chagrin now!)
But, I've been plonking away at those keys. Doggedly, one would even say. I think I am going to re-learn Anne's Theme by Hagwood Hardy even if it KILLS me!!! (Everyone may be completely sick of it, but who cares!!! I'm going to learn that!! Again!)
But I've been rediscovering my passion for music, which I haven't really indulged in the past 9 years. It's so nice, so refreshing to sit down at the piano, and to make something beautiful. To make my heart, and my spirit soar when I get a piece right. To indulge in simple things once more. Something as simple as a beautiful line of a sonata. Or a rousing crescendo of a passionate piece. To hear the keyboard weep with gentleness once more.
To get lost in the music once more.
What an absolute gift music is to me. It never was when I was younger - I think I saw it as a form of cruel and unusual medivel torture. One that "I was sure" I'd never use when I grew up - kinda like quadratic equations in high school. (Who the heck actually uses those, anyways??)
But, the older I get, the more I'm finding that I'm enjoying the little things. The cookies. The homemade stew. The card from a friend. The phone call. The beauty of the printed word on a page. The majesty of music, and the life it can bring into my soul. Dreams. Hopes. Faith. God. Love that takes your breath away. Truth. Honesty. Peace.
All "little things", all somewhat simple things. But the most life altering, the most heart changing, the most dynamic things I've found yet.
Like Amy Grant says so well,
"I dream of simple things I can believe in
Like the feeling this day brings,
True love and the miracle of forgiving,
I believe in Simple Things."
Help us all to see the simple things in our lives, and to grant us the wisdom to embrace them and keep them close, rather than push them all away.
Next up - daymmmmm! How do I go almost a MONTH without posting at all???? Criminy rickets! I gotta stop doing that! How is that helping me to write at all????
Well, here we are... A few days past Thanksgiving: Canadian Edition and I am no longer waking up and not knowing where I am. :cheers erupt from Smalltown Alberta!: Most of the time, I wake up and know where I am, which is a great thing. I am very happy with that.
I'm starting to feel settled in the new house, but cannot yet call it "home" without feeling like I'm somehow betraying the old house. (Which, I know, sounds completely LAME, but hey! They are feelings! And feelings are neither right nor wrong, so stick THAT in your pipe and smoke it! Ha!)
I'm enjoying the extra room, but I know that right now is the sort of "New Home Honeymoon" period where you haven't made the interest payment on your mortgage yet, you haven't gotten any utility bills yet, and you're just bumpin' right on along, tripping merrily on the road to Wal-Mart to go pick up MORE throw rugs for the new house "just coz you can" and everything is hunky dory. Then, BLAM! You get socked in the side of the head with a little ole thing I like to call REALITY. And you can bet that reality can sometimes be a bitch on wheels, can't she????
So, I feel like I'm bracing my self inwardly for the slam of reality and what that means to us, as a family, and me, as the main grocery shopper/procurer of stuff from Wal-Mart/getter of new shoes/ purchaser for all holidays and birthdays......
*sigh* Sometimes I wish life wasn't so MUCH.
But some good stuff has happened too, in the past little bit. I've started to play the piano again, which I NEVER thought I'd do. My sister gave me all the sheet music that we had when we were growing up, and MAN! Did we ever have a lot of sheet music!!!
So, I"ve been dabbling a little bit in some of the old songs I used to play. I was a lot better than I gave myself credit for, way back in the day. (Much to my chagrin now!)
But, I've been plonking away at those keys. Doggedly, one would even say. I think I am going to re-learn Anne's Theme by Hagwood Hardy even if it KILLS me!!! (Everyone may be completely sick of it, but who cares!!! I'm going to learn that!! Again!)
But I've been rediscovering my passion for music, which I haven't really indulged in the past 9 years. It's so nice, so refreshing to sit down at the piano, and to make something beautiful. To make my heart, and my spirit soar when I get a piece right. To indulge in simple things once more. Something as simple as a beautiful line of a sonata. Or a rousing crescendo of a passionate piece. To hear the keyboard weep with gentleness once more.
To get lost in the music once more.
What an absolute gift music is to me. It never was when I was younger - I think I saw it as a form of cruel and unusual medivel torture. One that "I was sure" I'd never use when I grew up - kinda like quadratic equations in high school. (Who the heck actually uses those, anyways??)
But, the older I get, the more I'm finding that I'm enjoying the little things. The cookies. The homemade stew. The card from a friend. The phone call. The beauty of the printed word on a page. The majesty of music, and the life it can bring into my soul. Dreams. Hopes. Faith. God. Love that takes your breath away. Truth. Honesty. Peace.
All "little things", all somewhat simple things. But the most life altering, the most heart changing, the most dynamic things I've found yet.
Like Amy Grant says so well,
"I dream of simple things I can believe in
Like the feeling this day brings,
True love and the miracle of forgiving,
I believe in Simple Things."
Help us all to see the simple things in our lives, and to grant us the wisdom to embrace them and keep them close, rather than push them all away.
Wednesday 19 September 2007
Happy Hands, Roooar!
We moved. We lost a teapot. I was totally sick, and barfed a few times (ewwww). Hubby and I are sort of not understanding each other. My mother moved far, far away ::cheers erupt from Smalltown Alberta...::. I still have boxes to deal with that are cluttering up the house.
I woke up this morning not knowing where I was.
Does that about cover everything? :grin:
This morning it snowed when I walked my kids to school. Freak, it was cold!!!! It was so pretty though, too. All these lovely white flakes, silently drifting down from above - almost as a Godly benediction of peace onto my head.
And then my preschooler broke the lovely mood by snickering "Mum, you have white stuff all over your head. I want to hit it!"
And my youngest was making his mittens say "Happy hands, roooar, rooar, roooar..." over and over again.
*sigh* I have a sneaking suspicion that I don't make enough money for what I do some days.
We have a bit of a fancy-schmancy shin dig to go to in the next few days, and I have this horrified fear that I might need a new dress to wear. SHIT! I hate dressing up! Give me jeans and a tee any day..... (Don't get me started on the heels.... Or the hose. ARGH!)
Other than that, we are settling into life in Smalltown rather well. I've discovered the local Wal-Mart, the Rafters shop, and The Dollar Store. I was just trying to unpack boxes. SO far I've unpacked all the DVD's, cd's (and alphabetized them, to boot), most of the books, the kitchen, most of the kids rooms, most of the master room, my clothes, and a good amount of Hubby's clothes. (Don't get me started..... Don't even get me started....)
I'm just wanting Hubby to get a car of his own now. I'm tired of being stuck at home with no way to get any where other than my own 2 feet with 2 cranky kids.
I think I just need to face the truth - I think I have PMS. Hand over the salty snacks and chocolate, and nobody gets hurt.....
I woke up this morning not knowing where I was.
Does that about cover everything? :grin:
This morning it snowed when I walked my kids to school. Freak, it was cold!!!! It was so pretty though, too. All these lovely white flakes, silently drifting down from above - almost as a Godly benediction of peace onto my head.
And then my preschooler broke the lovely mood by snickering "Mum, you have white stuff all over your head. I want to hit it!"
And my youngest was making his mittens say "Happy hands, roooar, rooar, roooar..." over and over again.
*sigh* I have a sneaking suspicion that I don't make enough money for what I do some days.
We have a bit of a fancy-schmancy shin dig to go to in the next few days, and I have this horrified fear that I might need a new dress to wear. SHIT! I hate dressing up! Give me jeans and a tee any day..... (Don't get me started on the heels.... Or the hose. ARGH!)
Other than that, we are settling into life in Smalltown rather well. I've discovered the local Wal-Mart, the Rafters shop, and The Dollar Store. I was just trying to unpack boxes. SO far I've unpacked all the DVD's, cd's (and alphabetized them, to boot), most of the books, the kitchen, most of the kids rooms, most of the master room, my clothes, and a good amount of Hubby's clothes. (Don't get me started..... Don't even get me started....)
I'm just wanting Hubby to get a car of his own now. I'm tired of being stuck at home with no way to get any where other than my own 2 feet with 2 cranky kids.
I think I just need to face the truth - I think I have PMS. Hand over the salty snacks and chocolate, and nobody gets hurt.....
Saturday 8 September 2007
Well, I finally kind of "had it out" with my mother tonight about the way she has been treating me (which I feel is badly). I told her that I felt forgotten, disregarded, traded in and unimportant due to her behavior as of late. I also told her that I felt that she was inconsistent and unreliable with my children, so that was why I had really cut down her access to them as of late.
I'm not too sure what to feel about the encounter... I don't know if there will be lasting change, or more intentional speaking now, but at least I told her how I felt.
I hated doing it, though. I really hated doing it.
So far today, I cried twice. I hate days like that.....
Hubby and I had an argument of sorts this morning over the phone. He felt I was shutting him out, and I was distancing myself emotionally from him. So, I had to tell him how I felt (overwhelmed, incompetent, dumb..... ad nauseum), and ended up bawling thru that. I hate feelings. I hate sharing feelings. I hate everything to do with feelings!!!! (I'd rather have a root canal with no freezing!)
Hubby asked jokingly if I was sure I was a girl, as that was a very guy thing for me to say (and mean).
We move in 4 days. I'm a little overwhelmed - just feeling (there's that word I hate again....) very over my head.
I'm honestly not sure of how to feel - I feel sort of numb and distant from myself.
I am, however, ready for this stage of my life to be done.
I'm not too sure what to feel about the encounter... I don't know if there will be lasting change, or more intentional speaking now, but at least I told her how I felt.
I hated doing it, though. I really hated doing it.
So far today, I cried twice. I hate days like that.....
Hubby and I had an argument of sorts this morning over the phone. He felt I was shutting him out, and I was distancing myself emotionally from him. So, I had to tell him how I felt (overwhelmed, incompetent, dumb..... ad nauseum), and ended up bawling thru that. I hate feelings. I hate sharing feelings. I hate everything to do with feelings!!!! (I'd rather have a root canal with no freezing!)
Hubby asked jokingly if I was sure I was a girl, as that was a very guy thing for me to say (and mean).
We move in 4 days. I'm a little overwhelmed - just feeling (there's that word I hate again....) very over my head.
I'm honestly not sure of how to feel - I feel sort of numb and distant from myself.
I am, however, ready for this stage of my life to be done.
Wednesday 29 August 2007
Been a long time....
Y'know it's been a while since you've blogged when you forget your username and password! LOL
Well, we are down to 2 weeks until we move, and I find myself morphing into Uber-Bitch again. *sigh* I just feel very overwhelmed by all the stuff left to do.
I am up to box #85 already and had to replace my Sharpies for writing on the boxes as I've already killed 6. (Hee, hee...oops....) But tomorrow is the first day of school for my 2 oldest children, and I have a feeling that I may drop them off at school, and may go celebrate with getting a nice coffee (or a Pumpkin Spice Latte.... mmmmm!). I've been ready to kill them!
Other than that, my mother is quickly dropping to the bottom of the Naughty list by standing me up for babysitting with no advance warning, and for getting married, and I had to hear it from my other sister. *insert frowny face here* So, she's married - good riddance to her - and she's just pissing me off at every turn. Thank the LORD that her hubby's (? How weird is that!!!) condo sold last week, and they have to be out of it by September 15th. They may never grace my new home this year! Woo, woo!!!
So, just it's been a bit of stress around here lately. I am ready. I am ready for change. I am ready for my kids to go back to school. I am ready to move. I feel like I have outgrown where I am here in BigCity Alberta. I am looking forward to discovering new stores, and new roads (which, if you knew me really well, is nothing short of a miracle!!).
I'm ready, but why does it have to be so much work????
Well, we are down to 2 weeks until we move, and I find myself morphing into Uber-Bitch again. *sigh* I just feel very overwhelmed by all the stuff left to do.
I am up to box #85 already and had to replace my Sharpies for writing on the boxes as I've already killed 6. (Hee, hee...oops....) But tomorrow is the first day of school for my 2 oldest children, and I have a feeling that I may drop them off at school, and may go celebrate with getting a nice coffee (or a Pumpkin Spice Latte.... mmmmm!). I've been ready to kill them!
Other than that, my mother is quickly dropping to the bottom of the Naughty list by standing me up for babysitting with no advance warning, and for getting married, and I had to hear it from my other sister. *insert frowny face here* So, she's married - good riddance to her - and she's just pissing me off at every turn. Thank the LORD that her hubby's (? How weird is that!!!) condo sold last week, and they have to be out of it by September 15th. They may never grace my new home this year! Woo, woo!!!
So, just it's been a bit of stress around here lately. I am ready. I am ready for change. I am ready for my kids to go back to school. I am ready to move. I feel like I have outgrown where I am here in BigCity Alberta. I am looking forward to discovering new stores, and new roads (which, if you knew me really well, is nothing short of a miracle!!).
I'm ready, but why does it have to be so much work????
Wednesday 15 August 2007
Pinch Me.....
I feel like I am so in La-La Land.....
So we have our new phone number, and we are slowly changing our addresses on different non-consequential things (like my Overwaitea card, and my Kraft What's Cooking! magazine), but it still doesn't seem real that we are moving. Even though the SOLD sign is up on the lawn, and the Real Property Report is done..... Doesn't seem real.
Part of me is, I think, just numb and gobsmacked by all the change that is coming up in the next 4 weeks (AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! It's 4 weeks exactly until we move!!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!). And, I'm looking around my house at all the stuff that's left to pack, and I honestly don't know when to start packing it all.
Obviously, I'll start packing away the extra towels and bedsheets pretty soon. And Hubby's closet (good Lord, the man owns more clothes than I do!!!!). And my youngest's extra clothes. Then, I'm at a total loss.
I got some......................... upsetting news the other day. My mother, the 55 year old divorcee is getting remarried. "Oh, probably on Monday or Tuesday..... we're not sure yet....."
Then she had the unmitigated GALL to tell my children that they can call her new hubby "Poppa". Instantly my back went up, and in my head I was like" HELLZ, NOOOO!!!!! "
I have no problem with my children showing her hubby a simple respect, but they already have 2 grandfathers. They can call him Terry. End of discussion.
It just really bothers me that my mother is getting married. I just feel that she is making yet another bad decision by yoking herself to an unbeliever (again!). As well, I also feel like she's worn him down into marriage - like she's coercing him somehow.
But yet, she rushed to assure me that they are getting a pre-nup (which I think is silly. If he's marrying HER, he deserves all the money she's got left as Danger Pay!!!). Fortunately, they are planning on moving to Interior BC - yippee!!!!! Hopefully I can find out that distance makes the heart grow a teensy bit fonder! (Seeing as right now she is not my most fave person!!)
It'll make the Holidays so much easier not to have to deal with my mother and her erratic mood swings all the time. *Sigh.....*
So we have our new phone number, and we are slowly changing our addresses on different non-consequential things (like my Overwaitea card, and my Kraft What's Cooking! magazine), but it still doesn't seem real that we are moving. Even though the SOLD sign is up on the lawn, and the Real Property Report is done..... Doesn't seem real.
Part of me is, I think, just numb and gobsmacked by all the change that is coming up in the next 4 weeks (AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! It's 4 weeks exactly until we move!!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!). And, I'm looking around my house at all the stuff that's left to pack, and I honestly don't know when to start packing it all.
Obviously, I'll start packing away the extra towels and bedsheets pretty soon. And Hubby's closet (good Lord, the man owns more clothes than I do!!!!). And my youngest's extra clothes. Then, I'm at a total loss.
I got some......................... upsetting news the other day. My mother, the 55 year old divorcee is getting remarried. "Oh, probably on Monday or Tuesday..... we're not sure yet....."
Then she had the unmitigated GALL to tell my children that they can call her new hubby "Poppa". Instantly my back went up, and in my head I was like" HELLZ, NOOOO!!!!! "
I have no problem with my children showing her hubby a simple respect, but they already have 2 grandfathers. They can call him Terry. End of discussion.
It just really bothers me that my mother is getting married. I just feel that she is making yet another bad decision by yoking herself to an unbeliever (again!). As well, I also feel like she's worn him down into marriage - like she's coercing him somehow.
But yet, she rushed to assure me that they are getting a pre-nup (which I think is silly. If he's marrying HER, he deserves all the money she's got left as Danger Pay!!!). Fortunately, they are planning on moving to Interior BC - yippee!!!!! Hopefully I can find out that distance makes the heart grow a teensy bit fonder! (Seeing as right now she is not my most fave person!!)
It'll make the Holidays so much easier not to have to deal with my mother and her erratic mood swings all the time. *Sigh.....*
Monday 13 August 2007
Been a long time....
Wow. I didn't realize that my last post was July 26th..... Ooops!
We have had an absolute WHIRLWIND of activity in the weeks since I last wrote. We....
-went on vacation (had a pretty good time, too)
- came home to an unsold house and barking dogs
-complained to the neighbors about aforementioned dogs
-complained to the City Bylaw services about the frigging dogs
-Hubby went off on the August civic holiday and went out with his friend and I got the house ready for another showing with 4 small kids who were disobedient and a very hairy dog
-we sold the house!!!! Yes!!!
-c/s'ed another home in Smalltown Alberta where we wanted to move to
-had house inspections
-visited my IL's in central Alberta
-looked at buying a new washer/dryer set for the new house in Smalltown Alberta
-brought up the microwave! Woot woot for popcorn again!!!
Needless to say, it's been completely CRAZY the last few weeks.
Hubby and I have been alright - we've had a few miscommunication glitches, but we managed to work them out.
One thing that I was really surprised at was how completely overwhelmed I felt while we were on vacation. I think it was because we really didn't ANY chance to be chillin' or even alone time.
I know on our first night back at home, I dashed out the door to Wal-Mart just to be alone for an hour or so. (I ended up buying new jammies, so it's all good)
Even now, a week plus later after getting home, I find that I am needing my space. I am needing "Me Time" again pretty desperately.
I feel bad, but I am more than happy to have my alone time while Hubby is out with friends, so we are working it out.
However, we still have loads of work left to be done in order to move to Smalltown, Alberta. I still have to pack up the house and get it all ready to move. (I don't mind the packing, but just the sheer logistics! Oy vey!)
We still have to call the new school, utilities, the phone company (good thing we have friends there! LOL), get our mail done.... (Oh crap - that's what I have to do...)
Off to go get stuff done.....
C.
We have had an absolute WHIRLWIND of activity in the weeks since I last wrote. We....
-went on vacation (had a pretty good time, too)
- came home to an unsold house and barking dogs
-complained to the neighbors about aforementioned dogs
-complained to the City Bylaw services about the frigging dogs
-Hubby went off on the August civic holiday and went out with his friend and I got the house ready for another showing with 4 small kids who were disobedient and a very hairy dog
-we sold the house!!!! Yes!!!
-c/s'ed another home in Smalltown Alberta where we wanted to move to
-had house inspections
-visited my IL's in central Alberta
-looked at buying a new washer/dryer set for the new house in Smalltown Alberta
-brought up the microwave! Woot woot for popcorn again!!!
Needless to say, it's been completely CRAZY the last few weeks.
Hubby and I have been alright - we've had a few miscommunication glitches, but we managed to work them out.
One thing that I was really surprised at was how completely overwhelmed I felt while we were on vacation. I think it was because we really didn't ANY chance to be chillin' or even alone time.
I know on our first night back at home, I dashed out the door to Wal-Mart just to be alone for an hour or so. (I ended up buying new jammies, so it's all good)
Even now, a week plus later after getting home, I find that I am needing my space. I am needing "Me Time" again pretty desperately.
I feel bad, but I am more than happy to have my alone time while Hubby is out with friends, so we are working it out.
However, we still have loads of work left to be done in order to move to Smalltown, Alberta. I still have to pack up the house and get it all ready to move. (I don't mind the packing, but just the sheer logistics! Oy vey!)
We still have to call the new school, utilities, the phone company (good thing we have friends there! LOL), get our mail done.... (Oh crap - that's what I have to do...)
Off to go get stuff done.....
C.
Thursday 26 July 2007
I feel so much better now....
Wow..........
It's amazing what a deadline met can make you feel like.
I feel so amazingly competent. I feel so proud of myself. With God and my hubby's help - we did it. We got the house ready for listing today.
I almost feel like leaping up in the air and cheering loudly (except my feet hurt, so I'll take a raincheck on the leaping part). I feel like a conqueror. I conquered my house, and I WON!!!!!
When the realtor came to take the photos for the MLS service, she commented that the house looked AMAZING and that it would show so well. I really felt that I've done all that I can do - now it's all in God's hands. I've done everything He's asked me to do to the best of my ability..... Now is the time that He needs to "kiss" the work that I've done.... IN other words, He needs to bless it. Goodness knows I've prayed enough for this house and the new owners!!!
Now that the "craziness" is over, I can concentrate on vacationing. You have NO idea how much I am looking forward to sitting in one spot and reading a good book. (I know, it prolly won't happen because I have 4 kids including 1 trouble prone toddler, but I can have my fantasies, can't I??)
Now that the craziness is over, my hubby and I can hopefully stop fighting.
I hate fighting.
Unfortch, with all the work and reno's that we've had to do in the last month and a half, it seems like we were both snippy and argumentative with each other. I know I was/am not perfect, and I know that under stress I can morph into an Uber-standoffish-beeyotch. I'm not excusing my behaviour at all. I guess I'm not looking forward to "talking" with hubby.
I think I am the ONLY female on the planet that hates talking about how she feels. (Hence the blog! *Grin*) I always end up crying and being really quiet when it comes to feelings, and it seems that my hubby gets really irritated/annoyed/fed up with me crying and being quiet.
I can't tell you how often he's yelled at me that "I'm not a freaking mind reader, Cindy!! You gotta tell me!!".
The thing is, I *think* I tell him, and in my world (on Happy Cindy Planet) it is telling. But in "Hubbyland" I'm not telling him.
*sigh*
And we had it out about sex the other night. Apparently, 3 times that I tried to initiate sex, he didn't even realize what I was attempting to do.
(I"ve also tried since then, FYI, and both times were a no-go. I can understand that..... The last thing I want at the end of an exhausting day is to fool around. Fair enough. )
Why does sex have to be such a sticky area? Why is it a stumbling area for so many couples?
I know some couples that have strict outlines for sex - no morning sex, no quickies while the kids are awake, spitting no swallowing, no toys...... Yada, yada, yada.
It seems like after 9 years of marriage, we need to rediscover what it right for us at this stage in our marriage. I'm tired of being compared to other couples and their sex lives..... We're us. We aren't anyone else, and no one else is in our marriage. Therefore, we cater to our needs and wants.
And I know this is horrible to say, but right now I am just not in a sex space. I think it's because I am just so tired and spent.
I actually fantasized the other day about being sedated at the hospital for a good week to recuperate. LOL!!!! As long as I have an IV in my arm, and a catheter, I am good to go! (I'd prolly even lose weight that way, too! LOL)
C.
It's amazing what a deadline met can make you feel like.
I feel so amazingly competent. I feel so proud of myself. With God and my hubby's help - we did it. We got the house ready for listing today.
I almost feel like leaping up in the air and cheering loudly (except my feet hurt, so I'll take a raincheck on the leaping part). I feel like a conqueror. I conquered my house, and I WON!!!!!
When the realtor came to take the photos for the MLS service, she commented that the house looked AMAZING and that it would show so well. I really felt that I've done all that I can do - now it's all in God's hands. I've done everything He's asked me to do to the best of my ability..... Now is the time that He needs to "kiss" the work that I've done.... IN other words, He needs to bless it. Goodness knows I've prayed enough for this house and the new owners!!!
Now that the "craziness" is over, I can concentrate on vacationing. You have NO idea how much I am looking forward to sitting in one spot and reading a good book. (I know, it prolly won't happen because I have 4 kids including 1 trouble prone toddler, but I can have my fantasies, can't I??)
Now that the craziness is over, my hubby and I can hopefully stop fighting.
I hate fighting.
Unfortch, with all the work and reno's that we've had to do in the last month and a half, it seems like we were both snippy and argumentative with each other. I know I was/am not perfect, and I know that under stress I can morph into an Uber-standoffish-beeyotch. I'm not excusing my behaviour at all. I guess I'm not looking forward to "talking" with hubby.
I think I am the ONLY female on the planet that hates talking about how she feels. (Hence the blog! *Grin*) I always end up crying and being really quiet when it comes to feelings, and it seems that my hubby gets really irritated/annoyed/fed up with me crying and being quiet.
I can't tell you how often he's yelled at me that "I'm not a freaking mind reader, Cindy!! You gotta tell me!!".
The thing is, I *think* I tell him, and in my world (on Happy Cindy Planet) it is telling. But in "Hubbyland" I'm not telling him.
*sigh*
And we had it out about sex the other night. Apparently, 3 times that I tried to initiate sex, he didn't even realize what I was attempting to do.
(I"ve also tried since then, FYI, and both times were a no-go. I can understand that..... The last thing I want at the end of an exhausting day is to fool around. Fair enough. )
Why does sex have to be such a sticky area? Why is it a stumbling area for so many couples?
I know some couples that have strict outlines for sex - no morning sex, no quickies while the kids are awake, spitting no swallowing, no toys...... Yada, yada, yada.
It seems like after 9 years of marriage, we need to rediscover what it right for us at this stage in our marriage. I'm tired of being compared to other couples and their sex lives..... We're us. We aren't anyone else, and no one else is in our marriage. Therefore, we cater to our needs and wants.
And I know this is horrible to say, but right now I am just not in a sex space. I think it's because I am just so tired and spent.
I actually fantasized the other day about being sedated at the hospital for a good week to recuperate. LOL!!!! As long as I have an IV in my arm, and a catheter, I am good to go! (I'd prolly even lose weight that way, too! LOL)
C.
Tuesday 24 July 2007
Ooooohhhhhhhhh, FREAK OUT!
Well, the papers are signed. Our house is up for sale as of Thursday. Can we say, "Aaaahhh!!!!"?
I am freaking out. I totally am. God is going to have to do a massive miracle.
I've already been praying for the family that is going to buy our current house, and I think I've actually been travailing in prayer for them. Just lots of prayers, all around.
God, please help sell our house QUICKLY!!!! (Within a week is great!)
So with that all said, I've been busier than a 1 armed paper hanger in a tornado. Paint paint here, clean clean there, here a sweep, there a vac, everywhere a tidy, tidy,
Cindy had a house to sell, e-i-e-i-ooooooooo!
*Cindy slams her head down and longs for sleep*
G'night.
I am freaking out. I totally am. God is going to have to do a massive miracle.
I've already been praying for the family that is going to buy our current house, and I think I've actually been travailing in prayer for them. Just lots of prayers, all around.
God, please help sell our house QUICKLY!!!! (Within a week is great!)
So with that all said, I've been busier than a 1 armed paper hanger in a tornado. Paint paint here, clean clean there, here a sweep, there a vac, everywhere a tidy, tidy,
Cindy had a house to sell, e-i-e-i-ooooooooo!
*Cindy slams her head down and longs for sleep*
G'night.
Saturday 21 July 2007
Friday 20 July 2007
Danger, Danger Will Robinson!!!
I am overwhelmed, over tired, over sensitive and fighting with my hubby.
That's all I'm going to put, because I'm a little too mad to journal right now.
I think I'll go implode now.....
That's all I'm going to put, because I'm a little too mad to journal right now.
I think I'll go implode now.....
Wednesday 18 July 2007
Destroy It Yourself.... (DIY)
Oh. My. Lord.
Can we say "tired"? I am dragging my poor ass today because I am tired.
I managed to strip the carpet and underlay (and ALL those staples!) off of the stairs as well as pulled all the staples out of the main floor. I emptied out the utility closet and the bottom of the pantry, and the shoe closet in preparation for the floor guys coming today.
I started it at 9 pm, after I put the kids to bed, and worked STEADILY until 12:30 at night. (Plus, I did dishes by hand too)
I only ripped off part of a knuckle and stabbed myself about 4 times with the staples (which is pretty good in my world!).
But, ripping carpet off is a lot of fun. I gotta admit, it is fun in a sick, sort of destructive way.
So, one more day of the install guys being here, and then I can get my house back. To normal (just with really pretty floors!) - with furniture and EVERYTHING! I am so excited!!!
I was pretty bummed out though - I found out today that our neighbors are putting their house up for sale the same week we are - they are our direct competition!!! I'm so bummed - they have a great back yard, and it's very nice. Granted they have 1/2 the main floor space that we have, but I feel that our backyard isn't as nice as theirs, as well as they have a great deck. We don't. :(
But everytime that I start to stress out about it, I feel God telling me to chill out - that He already has the family picked out for our house, and to leave it in His capable Hands. If I'm trusting God to find us a great house, wouldn't I also trust Him to find us the right buyer for the right price at the right time???
So that's kind of what I'm struggling with - just following through on trusting God. It seems that initially I "talk a good talk" about trusting and faith, but I seem to not finish strongly. Is this what God is attempting to accomplish?
I hope I can learn this time......
Well, only about 45 minutes before I can put the kids to bed, then I'll do some minor cleaning and glue some stuff together, and hit the hay myself.
I had a bad sleep last night - we had a thunderstorm last night, and I was PETRIFIED!
I'm actually sort of embarrassed to admit it, but I was so scared! I'll be amazed if my hubby doesn't have small bruises on his arm - I was clutching it so tightly!
So, I didn't get very much sleep. I fell asleep at about 2-ish, woke up at 5 for the storm, and was up for the day at 7 something.
Ugh.
I love bed.
Can we say "tired"? I am dragging my poor ass today because I am tired.
I managed to strip the carpet and underlay (and ALL those staples!) off of the stairs as well as pulled all the staples out of the main floor. I emptied out the utility closet and the bottom of the pantry, and the shoe closet in preparation for the floor guys coming today.
I started it at 9 pm, after I put the kids to bed, and worked STEADILY until 12:30 at night. (Plus, I did dishes by hand too)
I only ripped off part of a knuckle and stabbed myself about 4 times with the staples (which is pretty good in my world!).
But, ripping carpet off is a lot of fun. I gotta admit, it is fun in a sick, sort of destructive way.
So, one more day of the install guys being here, and then I can get my house back. To normal (just with really pretty floors!) - with furniture and EVERYTHING! I am so excited!!!
I was pretty bummed out though - I found out today that our neighbors are putting their house up for sale the same week we are - they are our direct competition!!! I'm so bummed - they have a great back yard, and it's very nice. Granted they have 1/2 the main floor space that we have, but I feel that our backyard isn't as nice as theirs, as well as they have a great deck. We don't. :(
But everytime that I start to stress out about it, I feel God telling me to chill out - that He already has the family picked out for our house, and to leave it in His capable Hands. If I'm trusting God to find us a great house, wouldn't I also trust Him to find us the right buyer for the right price at the right time???
So that's kind of what I'm struggling with - just following through on trusting God. It seems that initially I "talk a good talk" about trusting and faith, but I seem to not finish strongly. Is this what God is attempting to accomplish?
I hope I can learn this time......
Well, only about 45 minutes before I can put the kids to bed, then I'll do some minor cleaning and glue some stuff together, and hit the hay myself.
I had a bad sleep last night - we had a thunderstorm last night, and I was PETRIFIED!
I'm actually sort of embarrassed to admit it, but I was so scared! I'll be amazed if my hubby doesn't have small bruises on his arm - I was clutching it so tightly!
So, I didn't get very much sleep. I fell asleep at about 2-ish, woke up at 5 for the storm, and was up for the day at 7 something.
Ugh.
I love bed.
Tuesday 17 July 2007
Well, fuck.....
I was just informed that my hubby might have to go away for business next week. When we are getting ready to put our house up on the market.
I'll give you three guesses as to how pleased I am.
*frowny face*
Yeah - so not pleased.
And, on a possible TMI side note - why oh why does God hook us up with partners that have differing sex drives???? Seriously - I am frustrated (in more ways than one) with this.
Honestly, I could have sex at least 1x a day. Maybe even 2x. (My record is 4x a day. Hubby wasn't so happy.)
We do go in waves though, where sometimes we go like rabbits, and then there's a 2 week dry spell. I've noticed that the longer we go without sex, the less I want it. If I'm getting it everyday, I'm giving a teen boy a run for the "Horniest Thoughts" crown. (I can't believe I just wrote that, but seeing that I promised to be honest and UNCENSORED on my blog, I'm not going to erase it!)
So, in a nutshell, I'm a little stressed out, I've got carpets to rip up, a main floor to empty, children to feed...... I'm tired already. Can I just go to bed now??? Please? Pretty please???
I'll give you three guesses as to how pleased I am.
*frowny face*
Yeah - so not pleased.
And, on a possible TMI side note - why oh why does God hook us up with partners that have differing sex drives???? Seriously - I am frustrated (in more ways than one) with this.
Honestly, I could have sex at least 1x a day. Maybe even 2x. (My record is 4x a day. Hubby wasn't so happy.)
We do go in waves though, where sometimes we go like rabbits, and then there's a 2 week dry spell. I've noticed that the longer we go without sex, the less I want it. If I'm getting it everyday, I'm giving a teen boy a run for the "Horniest Thoughts" crown. (I can't believe I just wrote that, but seeing that I promised to be honest and UNCENSORED on my blog, I'm not going to erase it!)
So, in a nutshell, I'm a little stressed out, I've got carpets to rip up, a main floor to empty, children to feed...... I'm tired already. Can I just go to bed now??? Please? Pretty please???
A quickie....
Sorry - this is going to be short. I have to run and go grab the older 3 in a few minutes, so I don't really have tons of time.
My hubby and I had a fight yesterday. I hate fights. Basically the fight was over us not communicating well. I mentioned a bunch of vacation ideas, and by him either correcting me, or challenging me, I perceived that as my ideas were either not good, or too expensive. (If you're going to challenge me, I'll just shut up. I'm not into someone constantly challenging me - it tells me that you don't want to listen to what I have to say.)
Sorry. I guess I'm still more angry than I thought. I was LIVID last night! So, I went out to the Library (my fave place!), I grabbed a Frosty at Wendy's (threw out 60% of it), grabbed my hubby a drink from Starbucks, then swang home, changed my clothes, and went to the dog park with my dog and my sister and her dog. I needed it. It was really nice.
Tonight is the Crunch night where we have to move all the furniture and rip up all the carpets. Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!! I'm not looking forward to this! I'll be happy when it's all over, but the process is not so nice!
Check you later!
My hubby and I had a fight yesterday. I hate fights. Basically the fight was over us not communicating well. I mentioned a bunch of vacation ideas, and by him either correcting me, or challenging me, I perceived that as my ideas were either not good, or too expensive. (If you're going to challenge me, I'll just shut up. I'm not into someone constantly challenging me - it tells me that you don't want to listen to what I have to say.)
Sorry. I guess I'm still more angry than I thought. I was LIVID last night! So, I went out to the Library (my fave place!), I grabbed a Frosty at Wendy's (threw out 60% of it), grabbed my hubby a drink from Starbucks, then swang home, changed my clothes, and went to the dog park with my dog and my sister and her dog. I needed it. It was really nice.
Tonight is the Crunch night where we have to move all the furniture and rip up all the carpets. Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!! I'm not looking forward to this! I'll be happy when it's all over, but the process is not so nice!
Check you later!
Monday 16 July 2007
Sunday.....
What a day.
I had a baby shower to go to today for my younger sister. Have I ever informed you that I DETEST baby showers? Well, I do. I detest them so much that I would rather get a root canal. Or a Pap test. Really. That bad.
Then we went off to church. I enjoy church a lot - I have friends there, so it's nice to go and reconnect with people who like me.
But, a lady who was supposed to be in the nursery totally bailed on us, and I ended up covering her shift for her. Normally, this wouldn't bother me at all - I would just be helpful and leave it at that.
But this particular lady is BY FAR the most selfish, self centered, self involved, self righteous and priggish woman I've ever met. It's hard, because she is married to my hubby's best friend. So I have to be nice to her, even though I don't want to. I do not want that sort of personality influence in my life.... Why would I want to hang out with her???
It's hard because of who she is married to, and I like her hubby a lot (in the way that you like a brother - they are kind of an institution. My kids call him "Uncle" for heaven's sake! LOL).
Also, I just read a friend's blog, and now I understand why I was praying for him and his wife so much. My heart aches for him, and I wish I could wave a magic wand and instantly make everything better (like the moving wish! LOL). Alas, I can't. So I guess I keep on praying.
I know it's a short post tonight - I totally wrecked my wrists when my hubby and I were in bed. You know what though - it was totally worth it. Sometimes it's nice to be on top and in control. Bit of a different experience!
G'night!
I had a baby shower to go to today for my younger sister. Have I ever informed you that I DETEST baby showers? Well, I do. I detest them so much that I would rather get a root canal. Or a Pap test. Really. That bad.
Then we went off to church. I enjoy church a lot - I have friends there, so it's nice to go and reconnect with people who like me.
But, a lady who was supposed to be in the nursery totally bailed on us, and I ended up covering her shift for her. Normally, this wouldn't bother me at all - I would just be helpful and leave it at that.
But this particular lady is BY FAR the most selfish, self centered, self involved, self righteous and priggish woman I've ever met. It's hard, because she is married to my hubby's best friend. So I have to be nice to her, even though I don't want to. I do not want that sort of personality influence in my life.... Why would I want to hang out with her???
It's hard because of who she is married to, and I like her hubby a lot (in the way that you like a brother - they are kind of an institution. My kids call him "Uncle" for heaven's sake! LOL).
Also, I just read a friend's blog, and now I understand why I was praying for him and his wife so much. My heart aches for him, and I wish I could wave a magic wand and instantly make everything better (like the moving wish! LOL). Alas, I can't. So I guess I keep on praying.
I know it's a short post tonight - I totally wrecked my wrists when my hubby and I were in bed. You know what though - it was totally worth it. Sometimes it's nice to be on top and in control. Bit of a different experience!
G'night!
Saturday 14 July 2007
Now I've reached the "Pulling Out My Hair" stage of the month...
Okay. I think I'm overwhelmed now.
My hubby and I had a great talk this morning about all the things that are going on with us as a couple, and I must admit, I do feel a bit better in regards to his desire to change careers.
Now that I can see that it is 6-12 months off, I'm not freaking so bad. I've decided not to borrow worry from tomorrow - I'll cross that bridge when we get there.
I was standing in my house today, looking at ALL that needs to be done still. (I don't want to list everything - I'll get depressed.) But, I'll keep on tackling it all one job at a time, and do my best.
Really, that's all I can ask of myself.
But another odd thing happened last night..... An old boyfriend that I deeply regret dating recently got back in touch with me on Facebook. Very odd, very blechhy, somewhat gross.
Supposedly he's married now, and has a daughter. He's living in Winnipeg. (Thank God for small mercies!)
It just dredges all sorts of emotions up. I've "found" my 2 other boyfriends on Facebook, and I am SOOOOOOO grateful that I didn't marry them and that I didn't even kiss them! (Now I sort of do the shudder-with-revulsion dance whenever I think of those 3 guys..... Not because they were gross, but because I wasn't even supposed to be dating them, and I KNEW it!)
I'm glad that he is happy and has moved on with his life (because I certainly have!). And, underneath the regret that I have for even being in a relationship that was so not supposed to be, I do wish him all the best.
Part of me just wants to sit down, have a good old cry and drink a big bottle of wine all in one chug. I know that alcohol won't fix anything, but I'd still like to have something alcoholic to drink. (Which is really humorous because I MAYBE have 7 drinks in a year! I just don't normally drink!)
But I did notice last night while I was watching telly that I've started to pull out hair. I'm not sure if it's due to stress, but I do think I need to stop. Otherwise, I'll end up bald!!! LOL
My hubby and I had a great talk this morning about all the things that are going on with us as a couple, and I must admit, I do feel a bit better in regards to his desire to change careers.
Now that I can see that it is 6-12 months off, I'm not freaking so bad. I've decided not to borrow worry from tomorrow - I'll cross that bridge when we get there.
I was standing in my house today, looking at ALL that needs to be done still. (I don't want to list everything - I'll get depressed.) But, I'll keep on tackling it all one job at a time, and do my best.
Really, that's all I can ask of myself.
But another odd thing happened last night..... An old boyfriend that I deeply regret dating recently got back in touch with me on Facebook. Very odd, very blechhy, somewhat gross.
Supposedly he's married now, and has a daughter. He's living in Winnipeg. (Thank God for small mercies!)
It just dredges all sorts of emotions up. I've "found" my 2 other boyfriends on Facebook, and I am SOOOOOOO grateful that I didn't marry them and that I didn't even kiss them! (Now I sort of do the shudder-with-revulsion dance whenever I think of those 3 guys..... Not because they were gross, but because I wasn't even supposed to be dating them, and I KNEW it!)
I'm glad that he is happy and has moved on with his life (because I certainly have!). And, underneath the regret that I have for even being in a relationship that was so not supposed to be, I do wish him all the best.
Part of me just wants to sit down, have a good old cry and drink a big bottle of wine all in one chug. I know that alcohol won't fix anything, but I'd still like to have something alcoholic to drink. (Which is really humorous because I MAYBE have 7 drinks in a year! I just don't normally drink!)
But I did notice last night while I was watching telly that I've started to pull out hair. I'm not sure if it's due to stress, but I do think I need to stop. Otherwise, I'll end up bald!!! LOL
Friday 13 July 2007
Hot, Hot Heat.....
What a day. It's like a bazillion degrees outside (okay, 31.... Don't be so nit-picky!) and I am ready to die of heat.
I had to get ready for the carpet cleaners today. I cleared out the entire top level of our house and stuck it all into the bathrooms AND vacuumed within 45 minutes. And, I am quite disgusted to admit that I was dripping sweat by the time I was done. Ewwwwwww. So not nice.
I am so ready for this all to be over. I just want the house SOLD, a new house bought, all the stuff moved with a flick of my magic wand and for us to be settled into our new perfect house that God has for us (but hasn't told us about yet). This whole living by faith shit really blows. I'm so tired of trusting, of hoping, of CHOOSING to believe God and what He has said. I want to say "Aaaaaannnddd, CUE God on the white horse to go save Cindy.... NOW!!!". All I hear back is "Not yet, Cindy, not yet...."
It makes me want to stamp my feet and scream in frustration like my toddler does.
I want what I want WHEN I want it! (Which, in case you are confused, is now!)
And then my husband tells me that he wants to change careers. Which, okay, right in the middle of getting ready to move?? Really???
But, what is really baking my noodle is the fact that he doesn't want to change careers within the company that he already works at..... He wants to go into law enforcement. (Read: he wants to carry a gun and deal with bad guys all day long.)
Am I happy about this? Hell, no!!!! Unlike other wives out there, I actually DO like my hubby. I like him so much that I actually want him around when we are old enough to retire and move to a little house somewhere in the wilds of Scotland. I don't want him hurt. I don't want to have to deal with the possibility that every time he walks out the door to go to work that he *might* not come back home.
Do I feel comfy with this? Ummm, NO! Of course I don't feel at ease with this..... It's damn scary! It's big! It's an alien world to me! I know exactly 2 guys and 1 lady that are on the force, and I only know the guys somewhat well. Aaaaaahhhh!
Also, I know that I can "deal" with my hubby being in law enforcement. I know I can do it. I've dealt with being a single parent with 4 kids - 1 of them being a newborn. I can do it all by myself. I know I am very capable of doing it. But I notice when I am forced to deal with hard situations like that and I am forced to rely on myself like that, I do not like the person that I morph into. I become hard, brittle, perpetually angry and NO FUN. In short, I become my mother. (Which is a BAD THING) I don't want to turn into one of those stereotypical law enforcement wives who are all mean and bitchy. Do you know what I mean??
I just feel that this is a lot of change all at once. A lot of change. And guess what???? I don't do so well with change!
So, in a lot of ways, I feel like the heat is being turned up on my life, up on my circumstances, on my very FAMILY. Hot hot heat, indeed!
I had to get ready for the carpet cleaners today. I cleared out the entire top level of our house and stuck it all into the bathrooms AND vacuumed within 45 minutes. And, I am quite disgusted to admit that I was dripping sweat by the time I was done. Ewwwwwww. So not nice.
I am so ready for this all to be over. I just want the house SOLD, a new house bought, all the stuff moved with a flick of my magic wand and for us to be settled into our new perfect house that God has for us (but hasn't told us about yet). This whole living by faith shit really blows. I'm so tired of trusting, of hoping, of CHOOSING to believe God and what He has said. I want to say "Aaaaaannnddd, CUE God on the white horse to go save Cindy.... NOW!!!". All I hear back is "Not yet, Cindy, not yet...."
It makes me want to stamp my feet and scream in frustration like my toddler does.
I want what I want WHEN I want it! (Which, in case you are confused, is now!)
And then my husband tells me that he wants to change careers. Which, okay, right in the middle of getting ready to move?? Really???
But, what is really baking my noodle is the fact that he doesn't want to change careers within the company that he already works at..... He wants to go into law enforcement. (Read: he wants to carry a gun and deal with bad guys all day long.)
Am I happy about this? Hell, no!!!! Unlike other wives out there, I actually DO like my hubby. I like him so much that I actually want him around when we are old enough to retire and move to a little house somewhere in the wilds of Scotland. I don't want him hurt. I don't want to have to deal with the possibility that every time he walks out the door to go to work that he *might* not come back home.
Do I feel comfy with this? Ummm, NO! Of course I don't feel at ease with this..... It's damn scary! It's big! It's an alien world to me! I know exactly 2 guys and 1 lady that are on the force, and I only know the guys somewhat well. Aaaaaahhhh!
Also, I know that I can "deal" with my hubby being in law enforcement. I know I can do it. I've dealt with being a single parent with 4 kids - 1 of them being a newborn. I can do it all by myself. I know I am very capable of doing it. But I notice when I am forced to deal with hard situations like that and I am forced to rely on myself like that, I do not like the person that I morph into. I become hard, brittle, perpetually angry and NO FUN. In short, I become my mother. (Which is a BAD THING) I don't want to turn into one of those stereotypical law enforcement wives who are all mean and bitchy. Do you know what I mean??
I just feel that this is a lot of change all at once. A lot of change. And guess what???? I don't do so well with change!
So, in a lot of ways, I feel like the heat is being turned up on my life, up on my circumstances, on my very FAMILY. Hot hot heat, indeed!
Thursday 12 July 2007
Details, details.....
I was thinking this morning while I was in the shower..... Maybe I should explain why I've chosen the name Thistlethoughts for my blog.
Well, to be honest, I couldn't really think of a whole heck of a lot (Man, Google puts you on the spot like that, don't they??). Plus, I wanted something that didn't refer to me - the mum. Or me, the wife. Or me, the housekeeper. Or me, the daughter. Or me, the sister.
Just plain old me.
Something that has meaning to me. Not to any of the "hats" that I wear on a daily basis.
So I thought of a thistle. A Scottish thistle to be precise. I feel like a thistle at times....
Hardy, resilient. Persistent. Sometimes unwanted. Sometimes celebrated. (I don't know when it would be celebrated, but go with me here....)
Also, I come from a truly Canadian family - my dad was 1/2 Scottish and 1/2 Irish descent. My mom is pretty much Polish and other assorted things (don't quite know exactly).
I grew up with the last name of Robertson. Scottish.
I am prickly, and difficult at times. Thistle.
That's why I went with Thistlethoughts. Also, if I ever got a tattoo, I'd get a Scottish Thistle.
I just didn't want to be stuck in this category of "Oh, she's married and a mum, so a parenting journal!". No way. This is more than just a parenting journal. Actually, I would be surprised if I said a lot about my kids. (Not because I don't love them - I do. Ditto for my hubby.)
This is for me. Me, the adult. Me, the person who is interested in music and books, and enjoys cooking.
That's who I am. A person. A woman.
Well, to be honest, I couldn't really think of a whole heck of a lot (Man, Google puts you on the spot like that, don't they??). Plus, I wanted something that didn't refer to me - the mum. Or me, the wife. Or me, the housekeeper. Or me, the daughter. Or me, the sister.
Just plain old me.
Something that has meaning to me. Not to any of the "hats" that I wear on a daily basis.
So I thought of a thistle. A Scottish thistle to be precise. I feel like a thistle at times....
Hardy, resilient. Persistent. Sometimes unwanted. Sometimes celebrated. (I don't know when it would be celebrated, but go with me here....)
Also, I come from a truly Canadian family - my dad was 1/2 Scottish and 1/2 Irish descent. My mom is pretty much Polish and other assorted things (don't quite know exactly).
I grew up with the last name of Robertson. Scottish.
I am prickly, and difficult at times. Thistle.
That's why I went with Thistlethoughts. Also, if I ever got a tattoo, I'd get a Scottish Thistle.
I just didn't want to be stuck in this category of "Oh, she's married and a mum, so a parenting journal!". No way. This is more than just a parenting journal. Actually, I would be surprised if I said a lot about my kids. (Not because I don't love them - I do. Ditto for my hubby.)
This is for me. Me, the adult. Me, the person who is interested in music and books, and enjoys cooking.
That's who I am. A person. A woman.
Wednesday 11 July 2007
Opening post...
What an intimidating thing...... To sit down and type my thoughts out as they come. Uncensored. Raw. Vulnerable. No nicey-nice - just pure me.
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
I've felt the urge, the compulsion to sit down and WRITE for a while now.
It's like a lightbulb went off in my head....... No one needs to tell me to write, or to give me the permission to write. If it's in my soul, I need to do it for me. Audience be damned! *grin*
So, some of this might be random musings, some may be poetry (even though it's been YEARS since I wrote poetry!!!), and some may be little stories or things that I am facing in my life. Who knows where this road will take me.
I do know that I may not share this with others. Right now, I have a feeling that it's just for me.
Like a journal, but online where my kids can't scribble on the pages! :)
May the freedom that I seek, that I crave, come through this cyber scribbling.
May my thoughts be cohesive and complete.
May I be truthful in all things, no matter the situation I face.
<3
C.
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!
I've felt the urge, the compulsion to sit down and WRITE for a while now.
It's like a lightbulb went off in my head....... No one needs to tell me to write, or to give me the permission to write. If it's in my soul, I need to do it for me. Audience be damned! *grin*
So, some of this might be random musings, some may be poetry (even though it's been YEARS since I wrote poetry!!!), and some may be little stories or things that I am facing in my life. Who knows where this road will take me.
I do know that I may not share this with others. Right now, I have a feeling that it's just for me.
Like a journal, but online where my kids can't scribble on the pages! :)
May the freedom that I seek, that I crave, come through this cyber scribbling.
May my thoughts be cohesive and complete.
May I be truthful in all things, no matter the situation I face.
<3
C.
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