I had this massive post all written up, but I thought it wasn't quite vague enough. So I'll just say that this past week has been quite emotional. I haven't cried this much since I was at the Toronto Christian Fellowship School Of Ministry way back in the day! (And that's saying a lot, since back then I didn't wear mascara, since I didn't see the reason to put it on when I'd just cry it off anyways!)
But, it is starting to look up. I have determined in my own heart to take a step back, and I am feeling good about it. There is a very fine line (at least for me) between wanting to do something and falling into doing it out of obligation and duty. Is that clear as mud??? (LOL)
I have discovered that I've been doing things at my church - like the Nursery, and committing to ladies things - more out of a sense of duty and obligation rather than wanting to. The fact of the matter is - I don't always want to go to Bible Study. The past 6 bible study nights, I've consistently said "I don't want to go tonight. I want to stay home." but yet I keep on going because I feel guilty for not going. How lame is that!!!! It's a freaking bible study!!!! All we do is watch a video!!!
So, as I've said - I've determined in my heart to take a step back and to gain some much needed perspective.
What are my priorities? What is my treasure? What do I value?
My priorities are my hubby, my children, me. My treasure is me. I value many things, but in this season of my life, I just want to slow down. Have a breather.
The group of ladies that I do the bible study with are getting reading to finish our current study of "Believing God" by Beth Moore, and are gearing up to do a study by Joyce Meyer (I'm not sure which one). I'm going to bow out of the Joyce Meyer one..... I've tried to listen to her teaching, and I just don't appreciate it at all, and I don't feel that this is what I'm supposed to commit to.
Maybe God has something else for me to learn.
And I have to hand in my resignation for the Nursery..... I don't look forward to it, but I feel that it's necessary. It's not a "knee-jerk" reaction to what transpired over the last week, but something that has needed to happen for a while now. I need a break. I am burning out, and I don't want that to happen again. Been there, done that, don't recommend that.
I think there's a vast difference between the churches that we all attend here on earth, and the Church of God..... They never seem to look the same. The church seems to be the hurt leading the hurt - the blind leading the blind, deaf and mute.
The Church seems to be this self-assured, BELOVED of God...... I've read all the books, and I think the Church of God is magnificent, and breathtaking in her beauty. Absolutely breathtaking.
So, Missy - you don't need to worry about me anymore..... I do wish that I lived across the street from you - you have no idea how much I'd like that. (Oh - to have no snow, a beach closer than an 8 hour drive away, and no concept of what "wind chill factor" is - but there's bugs and snakes and cowboys - oh my!)
But weirdly enough, God seems to want me in Okotoks. Home of the Big Rock.
I'm not sure why, but I'm sure I'll find out.....
C.
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